Oct 29 2008
Joaquin to Retire As Actor and to Be Reborn as Johnny Ca–I Mean, Musician.
Noooooooooo! This fo’ real cannot be true. Now all I will have left is to re-watch To Die For for the 100th time to watch Joaquin Phoenix trigger his inner white trash and fuck Nicole Kidman endlessly in which Matt Damon ultimately is murdered by him and I can go on and on and on.
Anyway, apparently Phoenix has WALKED HARD (haha!) and has decided to give up acting–or what we like to call “retirement.” Usually, lucky people like us can’t retire until we’re 60, but this is Hollywood so have a heart!
While reading Perez Hilton this morning I came across this:
“At a Paul Newman benefit on Monday, Joaquin Phoenix dropped quite the bomb on the TV show Extra:
“I want to take this opportunity… also to give you the exclusive and just talk a little bit about the fact that this will be my last performance as an actor… I’m not doing films anymore.”
“Extra’s” Jerry Penacoli, shocked by the news, further probed Joaquin. “Are you serious?” Phoenix, who was curiously being followed by his own camera crews, reiterated, “Yeah. I’m working on my music. I’m done. I’ve been through that.”
Actor Casey Affleck, present during the admission, tells “Extra”, “I don’t think he’s kidding. He’s got music and stuff.”
Hm. Really? I mean, I enjoyed Walk the Line, but do I want to hear 12 songs worth of Phoenix overusing that Cash drawal? Don’t these fucking overpaid lunatics know when to stay put? Actors who release CDs, serious actors (I’m not talking about Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff right now) usually bomb. I mean, Scarlett Johansson just released that hot mess of Tom Waits covers–exactly. You never even heard of it. Point proven.
When his rep was contacted about Phoenix’s proclamation, their response was, “That is what he told me.”
His CD will bomb and he’ll probably be contacted by LIFETIME to do a bio-pic or some shit of his entry back into the acting world from a hateful world of music. In the midst of being hated in Hollywood, he’ll turn to drugs and booze as a comfort. He’ll be saved by an unassumed woman who works at the coffee shop down the block. He will possibly start wearing wigs until the coffee woman can bring him back to life. In one year’s time, he’ll make a huge comeback. How very Britney of him.
Class and Trash with an Edge of Sass*-Cw
*pout*
The only thing that makes this okay is that actors/musicians never actually retire when they say they are retiring. He’ll be back eventually!