blondieenyc

Being the Queen of Pop Music has its advantages, I guess.  Does it come as a shock to anyone that Madonna made Guy Ritchie agree to a marriage contract? The contract, which is filled with the craziest of crazy rules I’ve ever seen like how often he penetrated her and the word usage allowed during their fights–obviously Madonna won these fights when she cracked out the whip and pussy whipped Guy.

According to The Sun, the document was posted around the house.  Guy would have to get down on his knees whenever a rule was broken and pray to the God’s of exercise and fitness for forgiveness.  Okay, I’m kidding, but she would say, “Contract, Guy, contract.”

Some of the rules from “YOU’RE MY BITCH, DEAL WITH IT” are as follows: 

-Guy must work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing. (She has emotions?)

-Guy must devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge. (Madge doesn’t just have him turn the page?)

-Guy must only use certain words during arguments to resolve conflicts in a constructive way. (I guess “You fucking sucked in ‘Who’s That Girl!’” wasn’t a favorite?)

-Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.” (While muttering under his breath, “you God forsaken she-devil.)

-Guy must devote time to sex sessions and not use sex as a stick to beat one another. (Wait! No sex sticks during sex?! What’s the point!)

And since I can’t even come up with something remotely amazing, a shout out to Michael K from DListed.com when he wrote, “I totally believe Vadge has contracts and rules for everything. The hulk-lady is crazy. She probably even schedules her bowel movements down to the second. If one of her butt nuggets is even a millisecond late, she yells at her asshole and writes up her intestines.”

Class and Trash with an Edge of Sass*-Cw

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