blondieenyc

So I’m sure when Kanye West heard that Britney Spears kicked his ass in album sales today, he started banging his head against the nearest wall.  We all know he went straight to his MacBook, wrote something arrogant, chewed on the most recent issue of Billboard, etc….so not what happened this time! I know, I’m surprised.  He probably did do what I said, but then calmed down, and instead went for a more SUBTLE (I say this because it surely is in Kanye’s case) approach:

“THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR MAKING ‘HEARTLESS’ NUMBER ONE ON 106 AND PARK!!!! MY BOY CALLED ME FROM THE A AND TOLD ME IT’S NUMBER ONE DOWN THERE TOO. THIS IS A SONG NOBODY CAN FRONT ON!!! THE BEAT IS ON SOME RZA SHIT AND EVERY LINE COULD MAKE THE ULTIMATE RAP HOOK! I COULD SEE SOMEBODY SAMPLING…. “WE JUST GONE BE ENEMIES!!!” I’VE BEEN HEARING THAT THERE’S PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THIS ALBUM THAT NEVER BOUGHT ONE OF MY ALBUMS BEFORE. I’VE BEEN HEARING THAT STREET NIGGAS LOVE IT! STREET NIGGAS CALLED ME AND TOLD ME THEY LOVE IT! YOU KNOW GIRLS LOVE IT!! EVERYBODY HAS A DIFFERENT FAVORITE!!! RIGHT NOW. ‘PARANOID’ IS MOST LIKELY GONNA BE THE NEXT SINGLE. IT’S NECK AND NECK WITH ‘ROBOCOP!!!’ I’M NOT GONNA RELEASE EITHER FOR AWHILE BECAUSE I WANT ‘HEARTLESS’ AND ‘LOVE LOCKDOWN’ TO SOAK INTO THE CULTURE!! I’M GONNA WALK THIS ALBUM SLOW LIKE A MORE INDEPENDENT APPROACH. I FEEL LIKE A NEW ARTIST. THERE’S ACTUALLY ARGUMENTS AGAIN. IT REMINDS ME OF THE FIRST ALBUM WHEN EVERYBODY SAID I COULDN’T RAP. I LISTENED TO ‘SAY YOU WILL’ LAST NIGHT AT MY HOUSE AND WAS DAAAMN, THIS SONG IS SOOOO DOOOPE!!! I’M A FAN OF WHAT I’VE MADE. WHEN I MADE ‘GRADUATION’ I WASN’T SATISFIED! I FELT LIKE CERTAIN RECORDS WERE KEEPING IT FROM BEING A PLAY IN EVERY ENVIRONMENT ALBUM. I WAS AT THE COOL STORE IN AUSTRALIA CALLED ASSIN THAT CARRIES RICK OWENS, LANVIN, DIOR ECT… THEY TOLD ME THEY PLAY MY NEW ALBUM IN THE STORE. IT WAS SUCH A BIG COMPLIMENT FOR ME TO HAVE SONGS THAT ARE NUMBER ONE ON 106 AND CAN PLAY RIGHT NEXT TO VAMPIRE WEEKEND, SADE OR SILVERCHAIR IN A HIGH END FASHION STORE! IT’S SUCH A TRIUMPH TO HAVE LOVE LOCK DOWN ON RADIO. WHEN IT COMES IN IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE ANYTHING ELSE EVER MADE IN HISTORY! THIS IS NEW MUSIC! IT MIGHT TAKES SOME GETTING USE TO BUT WHEN IT SET’S IN IT WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE!”

Without the caps and million exclamation points, it’d be so hard to tell that this is Kanye writing.  I mean, he’s so powerful that he has to exaggerate even when it comes to the keyboard.  Glad to know he’s at least talented when it comes to Apple products.  I was let down.  He didn’t once reference himself as a Golden God.  This new, heartfelt, appreciative Kanye sucks! Give him his dick back!

Class and Trash with an Edge of sASS*-Cw

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