blondieenyc

Custody battle go to Madonna in the right corner.  Poor Guy Ritchie will have to help pack both Roccie Ritchie and David Banda’s London stuff and have that shit internationally Fed Exed to New York City.

When you’re worth $500 million, I guess it’s easy to pay off judge’s and get shit your way because Madge has gained full custody and will have the children in her tizzown.  Immediately after a decision was reached, a ‘friend’ went straight to the London media, you know, to fucking seek some attention, says the ‘friend’:

“Lourdes was always going to stay with her mum. But keeping Rocco and David close to him in London was the only thing Guy really wanted from the divorce. He thought he had a real chance, especially as their school is here. He desperately loves those boys and is a devoted dad. Guy will still see his sons all the time… It doesn’t matter where they live — they will always have the hearts and souls of Englishmen. Football, appreciating the countryside, good humour and decent music — Guy’s determined these symbols of Britishness will forever be part of their lives.”

It’s said Madonna is set to get the US residency order made permanent within the next two weeks.  Was that Guy talking? That or someone who likes to swim up his asshole.  And with the whole British thing, NYC kicks more ass in all of those musical, creative, and athleticism areas….however, I still love London, but NYC shall always be my numero uno.

-C

Ugh in the days of my messed up and pilled up Britney Spears, she hung around losers who go by the names of Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib.  Apparently they’re trying to get back in touch with the comeback kid, but this time around my bitch is ready and has just obtained a restraining order against the two mo’s.

Her attorneys went to the court this morning to get the order.  A source says that Brit asked her conservators to “protect her from Sam and Adnan.” Brit also expressed her concern that she’s scared of the two and wants the mo’s locked up.  Reports are that Lufti and Ghalib apparently conspired to try and undermine her conservatorship “in a way that would have been extremely harmful to her.”

Lutfi’s attorney, Jon Eardley is apparently tied in to the conspiracy as well.  If these mo’s try and get to my bitch, consider myself out to California and igniting a march for Brit! None of that ramble made sense, but I suck today and I’m hungover so deal with it.

-C

P. Diddy better look for some real talent next time because his bitch sucky group, Danity Kane, no longer exist.  I blame the Aubrey O’Day ho! Posing and acting the fool out in public.

Surprisingly the obsessed with fame ho isn’t the one speaking out about the saddest day in music, Dawn Richard opened her mouthpiece to MTV and said:

“As of right now, [Danity Kane doesn’t exist]. It’s devastating for me.”

She also breaks our hearts by saying we shouldn’t expect O’Day, D. Woods, or Shannon Bex on the next season of Making the Band. So who the fuck is going to be on that shit? Dawn and that Christina Aguilera brunette knock off?

Richard added:

“You’ll see me and Drea [Aundrea Fimbres] try and pick up the pieces on our own [on this season’s show] — pieces that we didn’t even make. We didn’t even break it and we’re trying to sweep it up ourselves. Puff invited all the girls to come back on this season and they chose not to. Only two of us showed up. That’s fine if that’s the choice.”

What a fucking tear jerker.  Puh-lease.

But Richard continues:

“It changes [our situation] completely. We have fans out there who love Danity Kane. We love Danity Kane. It’s hard. We’re sitting here trying to make sense of it now. It’s hard. We’re put in this position that we didn’t ask to be in and we’re being told to fix it.”

Does anybody give a fuck? These low talented bitches are even lucky MTV fixated on their asses for this long.  Yawnsville.

-C

For the ever fucking up once rapper, DMX, he’s lucky Arizona has only serve him 90 days on drug, theft, and animal cruelty charges.

Bitch has been held in custody since December.  He was not given credit for the time served and when he’s released, he will be on supervised probation for 18 months. At least he plead guilty to all of the charges.  He also agreed not to own any animals or guns.  And who the fuck would sell them that shit? Michael Jackson? My mistake, he only sells little peen pictures.

-C

Anna Faris and her z-list actor boyfriend, Chris Pratt got engaged late this year.

Her rep confirmed the news.  This is Faris’ second marraige.

I’m sure this has made your weekend.  Yay.

-C

I am so fucking done with Jessica Simpson after today.  Who knew gaining some poundage would get you all of this bullshit media attention.  Anyway that SpeedFit lawsuit shit….the owner, Alex Astilean is saying:

“If the Simpson’s would release the fitness DVD and issue me a public apology, I will drop the lawsuit against them. I never have had the vision of suing someone in my entire life.”

As you know, SpeedFit has sued Jess and her incestuous father for $10 mil for fucking up their fit video deal.  Astilean is now claiming there is a personal vendetta against him that’s being marched by Papa Joe Simpson.  Wouldn’t doubt it.

He claims mainstream entertainment outlets want to interview him about this crap, but Simpson’s camp is threatening legal action if any shows get that footage.

“There is a cover-up going on of trying to prevent my side of the story from being told,” the Speedfit man proclaims.

On to more shit…Nick Lachey, since he has nothing else going on but facing his beard Vanessa Minillo everyday, has chimed in on all of this Jess bullshit.  Somehow he’s involved with her lawsuit because he was supposed to be involved in it, but then Jess and her incest dad said she would do it along for $1 mil.  Nick was interviewed by Extra about his ex’s recent weight gain and not about any of that crap of him getting stiffed $500k:

“I wish her nothing but the best and I hope she’s happy - whatever size that comes in,” he says. “I can’t believe it’s this big of a story and people are making such a huge deal about it. I’m never ceased to be amazed by people’s reactions to things.”

Huge? Pun intended?

-C

I swear.  I could dress up as a Panda and sing Cumbaya down the streets of Manhattan and VH1 would call me up and give me my own reality show.

Lucky for Kendra Wilkinson, her 15 minutes aren’t up yet.  She just got another 15.  After The Girls Next Door officially ends, looks as though the sporty fug will have her own reality show.  She revealed in a new interview that she is currently filming. 

No idea when it’s airing, which must totally bum all of you guys out.  It probably just hasn’t been picked up by anyone yet.  There’s only so much fake tits and sports mania one can take. 

-C

I totally don’t think Jonathan Knight is gay by that picture.  Not gay at all, but unfortunately we all know he is so call me a hypocritical moron.  Apparently, an ex boyfriend of his is fuming mad and is going to spill some secrets on the New Kid on the Block.  

His ex, model Kyle Wilker, seems to be really angry with how Knight left things after their four year relationship because he’s going to publicly out the closeted kid.  Wilker’s is said to have personal photos of the two of them and has sold a few to a photo agency.  He’s also trying to score his 15 minutes with a tell-all to a magazine. 

Bitch only got $8K for pics.  REFUND.  The photos include them both on a bed shirtless, posing together on various vacations, and even kissing.  This sounds like some shit you do with your fucking dog.  Until I see peen in analvine, I believe nothing!

Yes, I’m sick like that.

-C

TMI ALERT. Old people talkin’ crazy.  The beauty that is Suzanne Somers likes to stick things in her vag to avoid menopause.  That’s basically the point of this entire presentation.

On Oprah, she revealed her daily routine of vaginal hormone injections and how popping like 35 pills (no, literally) helps her beat the “Seven Dwarfs of Menopause”: Itchy, Bitchy, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up.

The camera followed her around and if you’re really curious to know the scary details, then by all means google that shit because I’m going to vomit again if I have to re-read it.

-C

Jessica Simpson’s being sued by the owner of some bull shit exercising crap, SpeedFit.  Well, someone smart is probably heading the Simpsons because they hired a really good lawyer for this crap. 

The following was extracted by PerezHilton to show you some of the highlights from Jess’s lawyers:

- “While I have come to expect erratic and unprofessional behavior from you [Speedfit guy] - - having witnessed firsthand your threatening and intemperate outbursts - - your recent conduct is beyond the pale, and is confirmatory of your desperation in failing to make any progress in your frivolous arbitration concerning the Video.”

- And here he quotes the Speedfit dude as writing, “I don’t know who’s [sic] “fine cut” is [sic] but certainly not mine! This video is far from be finish [sic], but I guess this is the best they can do (production company . . .). It si [sic] a long story behind it and I will make it sort [sic]: They [my production team] couldn’t write the script, they couldn’t direct it and obviously they couldn’t edit it! I am about to send an official letter from my lawyer to [my partner] and [my production team] with my total disapproval of this video. Before Jessica will approve this video, it will have to have mine too and it is very far from that!” (But why would you ever do business with an individual who cannot write beyond a 5th grade level?)

- To which the lawyer responds with, “Despite this moment of clarity in your assessment of the appalling quality of the Video that you produced, over the course of the following year you did nothing to correct the Video or make it palatable for public consumption….”

- “With no merit to your claims, and no remaining lawful avenues to pursue, you have now stepped over the line from the bizarre and the frivolous - - going so far as to absurdly suggest that Ms. Simpson’s termination of the agreement has caused the deaths of “fat people” (your words) - - into the realm of unlawful and legally actionable conduct.”

- And ends with a nice, friendly, “The Simpson Parties will no longer tolerate your excesses, and you are now on formal notice of their legal claims against you. …. I suggest that you govern yourself accordingly.”

whatever.

-C