blondieenyc

So I fell in love this weekend.  VH1 has finally made a reality show worth watching.  I believe this to be the most honest reality show because I’ve witnessed douchebagouches like this for some time now.  Basically what you have is the Tool Academy.  Vh1 collaborated with nine girlfriends who believe their boyfriends need a reality check.  They got nine guys to come on and believe they were competing for Mr. Awesome

when in fact, they find out it’s a show all about how they’re really tools.  Let’s meet our beloveds, shall we?

Basically, the last guy standing and who “changes” the most wins $100K.  It’s funny.  When you see their faces realize they’re not on an awesome show, most are pissed off, but when the words “$100K” are mouthed, they all of a sudden are willing to “change.” You know how they’re going to change? The most these guys will do is take the fucking sock out of their man panties. If they’re kicked off, the girlfriend gets to choose if she wants to continue their relationship or not.  Please some of these bitches have been in this for the long haul.  If any of them leave the guys, it’s just purely to be noticed as a bad ass TV.  I guarantee these ho’s will be back in the roided arms within days.

The girls on the show are desperate and dickmatized.  They allow their boyfriends to treat them like shit, cheat on them, live off them, and we’re expected to feel bad.  The girls are in a different room watching their guys live act like a bunch of fucktards with a party full of girls:

After the guys leave the party full of other girls that aren’t their girlfriends…they are brought into the room expecting these hotties, but instead are faced with their bitches:

After all of this shit talking explaining the new game, the couples are brought in for “couples therapy” by some British bitch who I believe was just brought on because the English accent always makes the person seem smarter.  Before the dudes knew they were on this show, they were videotaped talking about what they do behind their bitties backs.  It’s the typical.  Cheating, clubbing, etc, etc.  Below are some lovely and pricless reactions.

  (the cold-hearted tool is on camera explaining how he’s tried his girlfriend like a dog…she cooks, she cleans, she’s basically a moron)

 (my favorite part of the show! Tiny tool is recorded explaining that his priorities are bowling, clubbing, and then his girlfriend.)

After couples therapy the tools played drunken football which led to the Power Tool getting a nice cut on his roid face.

The next day the couples competed in a competition to see who will win a private date for two.  This date will allow the couple to rethink they’re relationship and hopefully build for a better tomorrow.  This is starting to sound like an infomercial.  The Slacker Tool gets angry when his girl can’t build this crap.  He gets so tough and pissed that he throws his chair! Yowza look at how bad ass this dude is !

The Naked Tool and his girlfriend, Jenna won.  This was the guy who bragged about cheating on his girl’s ass without her knowledge and actually enjoyed it.  During the dinner, of course, they expressed their love for one another.  Sure, I’d express my love, too, to a boyfriend who’s probably carrying the black plague now.

So after The Slacker showed off his like totally awesome arm strength, we all know this bitch is going to be in the bottom three.  Along with Tommy the Slacker in the bottom three was Rob the Slacker Tool and Dimitri the Greek Tool.  Ugh, I dated a Greek.  They’re seriously like this.  They all believe themselves to be the greatest and untouchable when really their peens suck and they try to make up for that by owning you.  Damn those bitches.

The bottom three was a hard one.  Really I wasn’t surprised that all nine of these morons were in the bottom three.  I thought that Slacker may have been the one to go home because of his anger issues, but then I thought alright he’s the cutest, so obviously he’s got to stay.  Then I thought Power Tool may have went because he talked to his girl like shit, but this is the norm for these douchers.  However, it was the Greek who went down! HA HA! The best is when he was leaving he made sure to say he wasn’t “a tool!” So as the girls wait to see who’s leaving, Jill gets the surprise.

Outside Jill asks Dimitri if she’s wasting her time for him.  He responds, “I wouldn’t worry about it.” Well, yeah of course he wouldn’t worry about it.  He’s got more important things to worry about like his ego and which type of CVS bronzer he should use tonight.  That phrase seals the deal because bitch chooses to go with him.

All of the girls think she’s dumb for choosing to go with him and as the show is ending with the limo pulling away you hear Jill go “Say it!” and Dimitri respond, “I love you. There you go.” Aww how romantic! That girl Jill needs to go on VH1’s next reality shit, “Desperate Times Call For Desperate Women.”

Class and Trash with an Edge of sASS*-Cw

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