blondieenyc

Basically the show opens up with Shawn proving to be an everlasting tool.  He interviews about maturity and then shares with us a wonderful bodily function by leaning over in his seat, lifting up his leg, and letting his ass rip.  Such beautiful sounds and signs of improvement.

Anyway, in typical fashion, the last five couples attend therapy.  Trina the therapist explains that this week will center around the idea of trust.  You know, usually, when one involves one self into a relationship, yeah trust is usually the key.  Makes sense why these bitches are missing it and involving themselves in this show to showcase their stupidity.

In order to fully be honest, Trina tells them that they will all take a lie detector test in which the girls will get to choose the questions and the tools are to reply with a simple yes or no.  Rob starts going insane when this is announced because he hasn’t fully been honest with Karine.  Meaning he stuck his peen in another no-no hole and never confessed to his stupid babe.  He basically explains that once Karine finds this information out, she’s going to leave his ass.  Trina comes in to calm down Rob and offers to mediate a sit down between the two.  When she speaks with Karine, the girl starts sobbing.  This before anything is even confessed.  Amazing.  And why does Rob think she’s going to leave him? These bitches wouldn’t leave any of these guys even if it meant they secretly wore women’s underpanties.

Back to the lie-detecting crap.  It’s basically what you expected.  A bunch of douches wired.  It’d be even more amazing if that wire was used to wire their mouths shut, but, alas, we cannot all get what we want in life.  As all of the guys are doing this, Rob continues to spiral out of control.  Trina talks to him and we see him what I guess is supposed to be collapsing on the bed.

And just like Britney Spears, our buddy Rob is strapped on a gurney and rolled out due to Trina believing he needed medical treatment.  Oh this is just a sucker plan so Karine feels awful that he’s in the hospital.  Then we see Karine dropping her head some more and crying.  I find it pointless to show a picture of that.

And now the results! Shawn said he didn’t love Jaime and was telling the truth.  And what really surprised me was when he said $100K was not worth more than Aida.  Really? Was there a glitch?

Next is Josh who said he didn’t cheat on Ashley when she was having surgery.  Bitch passed.  Then he said he didn’t cheat on her with a girl at the mall, but uh oh he lies!  But then he went back to change his answer, stating that the kiss he gave the girl was on the cheek.  What the fuck? Are we in some fourth grade shit right now? He told the truth and Ashley was happy.  The cheek? Really? Wait, maybe he meant the cheek we be sittin’ on.  That kid definitely gets down like that.

Tommy is up and said that he does give his number out at the bar and that was the truth.  He also said he does not regularly check out other girls when Krista isn’t there, but he liiiiiied! First of all, that’s the questions you ask your tool boyfriend? She should be lucky that’s all he does considering the other mo’s in the house enter vagina territory. 

Matsuflex said he hadn’t had sex with his ex-fiance since he’s been with Jenna, but ding ding ding that was a lie.  But then he went back and admitted it, correcting himself.  Jenna explains she appreciates his honesty more than anything.  Really? I appreciate my boyfriend sticking to my vagina, but that’s just my thing I guess.  He also says he doesn’t see himself datign anyone besides Jenna and that was truth. 

And just when we thought the guys may have been making some progress, they do the toolish thing in the world.  They decide they want to get the Tool Academy emblem tattooed on themselves.  Rob obviously won’t be getting one since he’s crying like a baby in the hospital and Tommy (who would have thought) thinks it’s a dumb idea. 

Shawn is quite the philosopher because after getting the tattoo, he reports that the experience made him feel like a “prison bitch.” Um, okay? This tool is already a bitch to begin with. 

Anyway, the next day Rob returns.  He and Karine reunite with Trina to discuss their future plans.  Rob basically coaxes Karine into leaving with him so they can work out their problems.  Or so that he can bust a nut.  Karine agrees with him claiming it’s the best thing for them to do.  Dumb.

So going off the whole theme of trust, the guys and gals get together to compete in their weekly event.  The girls will be blinded and are donned with cameras on the top of their heads.  The guys are chained to a fencePiggybacking on the week’s theme, the challenge will be all about trust. The girls are blinded and outfitted with cameras on top of their heads. The guys are chained to a fence and will be the ones guiding their girlfriends through an obstacle course in which they will find three keys to unlock their guys.  Then they will both go to the final course in which the girls will have to trust their tools with a fall.  My question is why unlock them? Let the bitches burn to the ground.

To start….a balance beam.  A post right after holds the first key. 

After that, the girls will use the key to enter into a room with a “bomb.” In order to obtain the key in that room, they must defuse the bomb.  Everyone basically does this with no problem except for Ashley.  Her bomb goes off, filling the room with smoke.  Methinks it was Shawn’s ass.

The last part involves real live snakes! The key is somewhere in the cage and the girls must stick their hands in it to grab the last key.  Of course they all start freaking out and gagging.  But! They somehow make it out alive! Oh the terror!

And in what seems to be a typical win, Jenna gets to MastuSUCKS first.  She sets her douche free and they get to the final challenge. 

While Jenna is getting ready for her conjugal visit back at the house, Aida explains that she wanted to win so she could give the prize away.  Really? I had to watch this a second time because I can hardly understand when this bitch talks.  Jenna then calls Aida out for implying that she was being selfish.  Aida sighs and says, “It’s not my fault I’m angel.” I didn’t know Angels dated douchebags for six years and allowed the douche to walk all over them?

 
Jenna and Matsuflex share their conjugal time.  Obviously no hump de bump goes down.  Especially since the two have never engaged in sexual activity.  I’ll give Jenna a thumbs up for not having experienced it in front of a camera, but she still gets another dumbs down for even considering having sex with him…anywhere.

Jenna arrives back with Aida pouring champagne for everyone and saying something about them all being a family who has their ups and downs.  Jenna is immediately suspicious that Aida has been talking smack since she’s been gone.  “I’m not gonna cheers if while I’m gone, you guys are sitting back talking about me,” says Jenna. Well, bitch was right because both Krista and Aida don’t believe that Jenna and MatsuSUCKS are together in the first place.  Drama comes when Jenna announces HOUSE DIVIDED with a really bad ass hand signal.  Trina then calls the girls in to discuss the upcoming elimination.

Krista ends up making Jenna cry when she accuses of her having slept with 500 people.  This sends Jenna running from the room, mascara melting down her face. 

Jenna then interviews that sex is a sensitive subject for her because of her pro-chastity upbringing.  It’s a sensitive subject that she cares to have broadcasted on TV.  Okay, point proven? Jenna comes back and tells Krista that was an extremely low-blow.  Krista bitches out and apologizes.  She adds that she thinks Jenna’s fake and there’s no polite way of saying that.

Elimination! Shawn and Tommy are the two last standing.  Reason being is that Shawn lost his temper with Aida during the challenge and Tommy lied during the polygraph.  Shawn gets the last tool badge.

But wait! Twist that we TOTALLY DIDN’T SEE COMING.

Like omgz guyzzzz!!! Tommy like totallyzzz gets to stayz too!!! I’m sure this has nothing to do with Rob peacing out early of the competition…

-C

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