blondieenyc

If you haven’t seen infomercials for ShamWow, then you my friend live in a God damn box between What The Fuck and Unfortunate.  It’s not the product that has everyone amazed, it’s simply the guy who pitches this shit…you may mistake him as a real live Beavis from Beavis & Butthead because I do.  So meet Vince Shlomi — simply the most fantastical man.  The product consists of an absorbent towel that can basically suck up anything from rocket fuel to fucking baby shit.  Vince also sells food choppers.  FYI: This shit does not work as seen here: Shamwow Sucks.

He should also look into the slapping a bitch field because he apparently likes to go slap happy on hookers.  The 44-year-old famed infomercial dude was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a very violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room.

According to the affidavit, ShamWow met 26-year-old Sasha Harris at a Miami nightclub on February 7.  They ended the night by heading back to his $750 room at the Setai hotel.  Vince told the cops he paid the chick about $1000 in cash after she “propositioned him for straight sex.”

He then went on to say that when he went to kiss the hooker, she “bit his tongue and would not let go.” Come on! He’s the SHAMWOW guy! He then punched the broad until she gave up on biting his tongue.  The report claims that during the 4 AM fight, the girl sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face space.  After bitch gave up biting his tongue, Vince apparently shamwowwed his way outta there, fleeing to the hotel lobby, where security called the cops.  

The hooker refused to cooperate with the officers.  Police reports say that  “Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.” In a short telephone interview, the woman declined to answer questions about her meeting with Shlomi and says she is contemplating a lawsuit against him.  She also wouldn’t answer if she was a hooker or not.  I guarantee this BIA isn’t a hooker.  After she was drunk enough to hang out with Vince’s busted ass face, bitch probably thought to herself “Hmmm, I can totally cop a few bucks out of this Shamwowza.” Anyway, yes not only can Vince sell you a Shamwow, but he can also give you a busted ass face for half the price if you call right now! To view pictures of what can be yours for ONLY $9.95, visit HERE.

-C

In memoriam:

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