May 12 2009
Maintaining the YOU in a Relationship
You are your own best friend. Even when you do land that great and amazing guy, there are a few things you should do for yourself to satisfy that inner single gal. When that lovely term “relationship” creeps into your way of life, it’s sometimes distracting, fast-paced and confusing. First, you have a new man seeking entry into your heart while stealing a part of your single self. Second, your SSB (secret single behavior) takes the backseat, because let’s be honest, no woman wants her new love interest to find her dirty laundry-literally! And last, but certainly not least, you need to find that medium: a place where your old life still exists and new life begins.
We so desire that man, who’s there when you’re down, hugs you when you need it and gives you the commitment you’ve been longing for. However, while finding that proves to be worth it, most tend to lose their old selves in the process. Something most of us (myself included) are guilty of.
Having declared a relationship with my current boyfriend seven months ago, I found myself in quite a predicament. No longer was I a single girl with all of the freedom and will at my hands. Yes, a boy would be calling to find out what I was up to or what our plans for the evening were-something us single girls are just simply not used to such behavior. We barely call our close friends to tell them our whereabouts or plans.
When we decide to enter into a relationship, keeping yourself in check proves to be the issue at large. As 20th century writer Jo Coudert says, “the single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.”
Although we want to hope for a future, we simply do not know where the future will lead our present. We have to remember who we are throughout the course of a relationship. That in the end, no matter the outcome, you will have yourself. And while we might fall in love and perhaps believe our current beau is The One, a relationship with ourselves has to be just as strong. Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it, too?
Let’s pick up that fork and start snacking-here are some ways to keep your old self in check while balancing a new relationship:
Ladies Night
Every bar has a night (or two or three) dedicated to getting females out and about for a good time. Whether it’s a local bar or your nearest multiplex, make sure to set aside some time with your best friends. Even if you’re in your pajamas gossiping about the latest Brangelina scandal, one or two nights a week with your girlfriends will keep your old self in check. Don’t worry, your guy is still there -just not needed when your with your best gals.
Keeping Weird, Quirky Traits
Those little strange character traits that we all hide…they are who we are! Sure, we don’t want our new guy finding out about the weird things we like to do, but regardless of what others may think, these habits are what make you, you. If you like to put cream cheese on your Doritos, know every lyric to every Britney Spears song or like to paint your fingernails different colors, don’t let a new relationship stop you. The person you’re with invested time in the person you are and those quirky traits play a major role in your personality.
You Time
It’s okay to have a few days/nights to yourself. The world will not end if you and your boyfriend are not together for a night. We’re all guilty of spending endless amount of time with our new boyfriends when revving up the start of a relationship. But sometimes you need to hang out with yourself to keep yourself in check. Having a couple of hours alone not only proves to be therapeutic, but gives you some of that single mindset.
Chantal Waldholz is a 2008 journalism and English graduate from New York University who hopes to one day write for a major entertainment magazine or network. She has a weakness for pricey shoes and secretly adores her guilty pleasures—gossip and reality shows.
*As seen on CHICKSPEAK.COM*
