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Wooing, flattery, hiding certain flaws-it comes with the territory during the first few weeks of dating. But let’s face it, after the gloss on the surface fades, our true colors shine through and, well, we’re not as perfect as we might have pretended to be. 

And even when we aren’t dating, most of us still change who we are. We dye our hair; wear different color contacts, heck we might even wear spanx to hide that tiny bulge in our tummy. We’re all guilty of it. And we’re all white lying from the get go. 

As we lower our guards in hopes of sustaining and maintaining a new, healthy relationship, we also start to show our hidden persona. Maybe we aren’t as tidy as we acted and we might even (dare I say it?) burp after every other sip of soda.

Is it our fault we grew up in a society where women are viewed as always having to be matronly? Are we expected to look and act perfect all of the time? For some of us, it’s what we believed growing up. And we’re in fear of disappointing the male persuasion.  So why do we hide the person we are when first meeting a potential mate? It’s rather simple.

After we bat our eyelashes, wear our cute outfits (that we spent all day looking for), and make sure every single piece of hair is in place, we want that man to know that no other girl out there is better than the one sitting in front of him. 

It’s the fear of possibly scaring a guy away or feeling rejected. Could you imagine sitting across your date for the first time scratching at that terrible itch underneath your arm? No way! We have to ride the annoyance, ladies. But give us a few weeks and well, the art of becoming too comfortable will mosey right on in.

I’m guilty as charged. After meeting my boyfriend eight months ago, it only took me about two months until I allowed him to see the not-so-perfect side.  For the first few times we dated, my room was in tip-top shape.

Recently? Not so much.  I remember making sure my make-up was perfected every time I went to see him-even when we’d go to the gym together! But as of now, on any given day he comes over after I get home from work…sweats, hair up, and fresh faced is usually how he finds me. I also played the part of the “cool” girl who didn’t have emotions…little did he know that yours truly could get a bit hysterical at times.

So now the question arises who are we really? What if we decided to go out there showing our true colors from the start? While some guys might be turned off, some might have a bit of interest. Remember, just because your hair might not be so perfectly situated doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t want to get to know you. He’s dating ALL of you, not just your hair, girls.

And while I, like most of you, can spend all of my time thinking of the quirky traits I used to hide, it turns out my boyfriend wasn’t so perfect either. Remember that burping example I used above? Well, Mr. Boyfriend all of a sudden went on a free for all in the last six months and let’s just say he might leave the garbage in his room longer than I’d like.

But it really boils down to this: after spending some time together, we learn to embrace and love one another’s flaws. Those flaws make us who we are and if we’re able to ride through them together, we’re able to laugh and grow as well.

If a guy can’t handle a flaw, he’s certainly incapable of handling a great gal like yourself. Just make sure that no matter what happens in the beginning of dating, whether you’re in it for the long haul or a few quick dates, always keep yourself in check and in shape. You come first, chicks, and don’t let the art of becoming too comfortable get the best of you.

Chantal Waldholz is a 2008 journalism and English graduate from New York University who hopes to one day write for a major entertainment magazine or network.  She has a weakness for pricey shoes and secretly adores her guilty pleasures—gossip and reality shows.

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