blondieenyc

Gwyneth Paltrow finds time in her exhausting day (you know, working out for three hours and then talking about how she works out so much) to write about a “frenemy” she once was best friends in her latest GOOP newsletter.  I mean, gee, I wonder who the hell she’s talking about.  By the middle of this crap, you’d think she should have just tattooed Winona Ryder’s name on her forehead.

Gwyneth writes:

Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hellbent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deept upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restained myself from fihting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and… happiness. There went the high road. So, why does it feel so good to hear something bad about someone you don’t like? Or someone you DO like? Or someone you don’t KNOW? I once asked the editor of a tabloid newspaper why all of the stories about a famous British couple had a negative bent. He said that when the headline was positive, the paper didn’t sell. Why is that? What’s wrong with us? I asked the sages to shed a little light.

Here’s to washing our mouths out with soap…

Love,
Gwyneth

I’d still choose Winona over her ass just because she banged nasties with Johnny Depp.  I’d force all of the little details out of her mouth then smack the shit out of her because of pure jealousy.

-C

GOOP

It’s not new news, but it’s drama and I love it.  It seems as though there’s some drama over at American Idol between Paula Abdrunk and Kara ‘Hunchie’ DioGuardi.  Apparently the new judge was brought in to allow Paula’s leave from the show to be a smooth transition.

But guess what! Abdrunk doesn’t want to leave AI! A friend of Paula’s revealed to OK! Magazine:

“Paula is doing everything necessary to sign another contract.”

Another source added:

“Paula wants to remain on the program as long as Simon is involved.”

So now that Paula has decided to get a clue and keep on with the money making machine, the newest judge has some trouble ahead of her.  Since becoming the fourth wheel of the group, it’s incredibly noticeable how distant she is from the original three when the camera’s aren’t rolling.  An Idol insider claims:

“During breaks, Simon, Randy and Paula would leave the table to talk to the crowd or get food, leaving Kara to swivel in her chair. Kara was the odd man out.”

These broads are like school children…drunk school children because you know Paula was knocking back 40’s when she was a prime six-year-old.

-C

OK!MAGAZINE

Think Eminem’s gonna be pissed, too? It seems as though the big heads at Universal are so unhappy with my baby girl Amy Winehouse these days.  Since having thrown a TON of money her way so she could return to St. Lucia and finally record the promise follow-up to Back To Black (an album they have apparently been waiting years for her to record), it seems as though Amy flipped them off because instead of recording her new record, she’s been in the studio with Damon Albarn’s project, Gorillaz.

A source from the label told reporters:

“Imagine how they felt when they realized she had agreed to work with Gorillaz? They couldn’t believe it.”

“It’s an unnecessary distraction. They think she should invest all her energy in her own music. She should be knuckling down and delivering the goods.”

Also, she just declined Em’s request to work with him stating she needed to work on herself, but yet bitch is in the studio snorting away.  You know the only reason bitch is probably in the studio with Gorillaz is because she has her choice between Special K and LSD.  Anyway, baby girl is said to be really pissed about her label’s protest to the collaboration.  Gorillaz is signed to Universal’s enemy, EMI sooo yeah, you could say them being pissed is an understatement.

And you know, it’s just their money and everything so they totally shouldn’t be pissed.  At this point, everyone forgets Amy’s a singer…they just know her by her better half, la cocaine.

-C

MIRROR

Okay, bear with me on this crap.  Last week, it was said that Madonna will be building a home for herself in Malawi in order to somehow change the mind of the judge that basically told her to fuck off without a kid two weeks ago.  She’s decided to build a house next to her already planned all-girls school there.  Did she not learn anything from Oprah?

Apparently her recent visit to Malawi wasn’t only to steal a kid, but she was also there to oversee construction of her school and she also told her architect to draw up plans for a house.  The Sun says:

“Madonna has a big, beautiful plot of land over there already. She’s planning to build a girl’s school in the Chinkhota village and those designs are well under way. But she’s gone back to the designers and asked if they could accommodate a family home on the plot or on adjacent land.”

The villagers are still apparently pissed because Madge has yet to compensate them so I bet those fuckers put some voo doo Poltergeist shit on the land.  In other news, in a last minute attempt to rally the people of Malawi against the denial of her adoption, the usually private Madonna allowed Malawian newspaper, Nation, to interview about the tug-of-war situation.  Madonna explains her desires for baby Mercy James if she were able to live with her:

“I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and healthcare possible…And it’s my hope that she, like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country.”

She couldn’t reveal much regarding the appeal of the denial, but she did tip her hat for the Malawian people for their continued support of her adoption.  Says Madonna:

“Though I have been advised that I cannot publicly discuss the pending appeal regarding my desire to adopt Mercy, I do want to say how much I appreciate the level of support that I have received from the people of Malawi and my friends around the world.”

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It gets tiring writing about Lindsay Lohan every day because you know it can only be about one of two things…coke and saMAN or a mixture of the two…lucky for us, it’s a mixture today.

Just because Hohan had a crazy weekend breaking up with saMAN and trying to break into her family party doesn’t mean she can’t have another crazy fun filled weekend! According to OK! Magazine, Lindzer got extremely wild at a party in the Hollywood Hills this weekend.

“People were pouring vodka into her red party cup all night,” a guest tells OK! “She was way beyond incoherent. She was totally smashed and couldn’t even form a sentence. She looked so lonely and lost.”

Lindsanity was there until just before 3 AM until she moved on to her next party.  When most of us are sleeping, of course Lindsay’s livin it’ up.  As for her one time lov-ah, are they or aren’t they together because frankly I’m getting tired of this hot mess situation.  Sources say the pair are still communicating with saMAN begging her beloved to seek professional help.  However, another source says:

“Lindsay, despite appearances, is insecure and has relied on Samantha and their relationship to build her up” while Sam “doesn’t want to deal with the drama, [but] in a sick way she is obsessed with this part of Lindsay’s behavior. It’s like she doesn’t want it, but when Lindsay stops writing, she begins to miss it.”

Lindz needs to fucking either get some help or lock herself away in the nut ward for eternity because at this point nothing shocks me anymore.

-C

OK! and PEOPLE

So when paps are taking pictures of you left and right, it’s normal to break their camera and then blame zombies, right? According to Woody Harrelson it is.

No joke this honestly has made my year.  Lindsay Lohan is officially a crazy and desperate bitch.  She almost has Britney beat.  She’s only a razor away from doing so.  So leave it to this hot mess to give a tell-all interview to Us Weekly.  Funny thing is, you think after being hard up for cash, bitch would want some payment.  She did this shit FOR FREE.

Although her acting career is basically shot to shit, she obviously has no problem being a tabloid loving famewhore.  “I’m so tired of this drama,”Lindsay Lohan tells the new issue of Us Weekly.  Lindsay, sweetie, frankly we’re tired of you, but at least we get to point and laugh.  In the new issue out on stands today, Lindsay doesn’t hold back anything…even her fucking tears.

Lindsay went on the record saying her dramatic weekend with once girlfriend saMAN Ronson was “humiliating.” She says, “I’m not a bad person and this is what happens. I was raised to treat people well.” No, you were raised by two drunk parents who parade you around, banking on everything you did when you were growing up dumb ass. Hohan broke down in tears, adding, that she’s “so alone”without Ronson. Que Harry Nilsson’s I can’ttttt livvvvvvvvvvve if livvvving is withouttt youuuu.  She’s just pissed she doesn’t have anyone to pay for her habit.

Lindsay continues and says, “Everyone’s turned on me.”  Sources also tell the magazine that saMAN tried to end things many times with Lindsay over the past month, but each time, “Lindsay threatens to kill herself - she cares about her but wants out.” Lindsay basically laughed that shit off insisting that she’s okay.  “I’m just really hurt!” she says. “The whole situation is sick.” Do they need a sequel to Mean Girls? Because here’s the fucking script.

Friends of the once actress tell the magazine they think Hohan needs to be institutionalized.  Great friends! Someone call fucking Daddy Spears up asap! Bitch is going…BONKERS! Who knew getting off the snatch was as tough as getting off the coke?

-C

USMAGAZINE