blondieenyc

What in the fucking hell did Rupert Everett do to his face? Sure, working on The Next Best Thing with Madonna was probably hell, but there’s no need to go out and get this fuckery of a face!!! I can’t even watch Dunston Checks In or My Best Friend’s Wedding without this image popping into my head! This is wrong wrong wrong!!!!! He looks like fucking Kevin Kline’s ugly younger brother.  Why, oh WHY, did you do this to me Rupert???

-C

Ahhhh it’s CLAY AIKEN! No, no it’s okay, it’s not…but in about 25 years it will be.  This be Phil Spector who basically just got slapped on the ass and handed some jail time.  Yesterday, Spector was found guilty by a Los Angeles jury for killing 40-year-old cocktail waitress, Lana Clarkson in 2003.  Lana killed by a point-blank gunshot wound to the mouth.  This was Spector’s second trial.  Back in 2007, the jury was unable to reach a verdict.

This is Phil’s gorgeous new mug complete with wide eyes and thoughts of scary times ahead with a ramful of peen in his Hershey hose.  Congrats for making it to my hot mess list, Phil! It’s about the only positive list you’ll ever be on from here on out!

-C

I’m putting a threat out to everyone now.  If I see anyone wearing these ridiculously out of control contacts, I will slap the shit out of you Chris Brown style and you will thank me for it later.

Is this not ridiculous??? Can you believe that colored contact lenses promoting the new Twilight DVD are making rounds in the UK??? Some genius actually created these crazy pieces of crap.

-C

This guy has some balls.  Ashlee Simpson basically was a very upset little bitch when she had to leave her husband to go back home and take care of their devil child, Bronx Mowgli.  Ash was on tour with Pete for a few of his shows, but couldn’t go with him to Vegas.  Like any other intelligent celebrity, she let her sadness show through the world of Twitter:

“I am beyond sad to leave my love… My heart is breaking as we drive home. I need my hubs.”

While Ashlee was typing away, her husband was in a hotel in Vegas, bumping and grinding with a bunch of slutty ho’s.  Pete partied with about 50 STD infested broads including his band members, a few dancers, and his friends.  A ho that was there opened her mouth to Star and said:

“Everybody was going absolutely crazy. People were even drunkenly playing makeshift Slip ‘n’ Slide with a mat and lubricant. And Pete was in great spirits. He was dancing and singing along to his band’s own songs, grinding up against the dancers.”

And as Pete’s living the good life, Ashlee’s nipples are being murdered by baby mouf.  Actually, she’s probably relieved.  This will be the one week she doesn’t have to buy a new straightener or eye liner.  Every time Petey straightens his pubies, he burns that shit out.  Let’s see what excuses fly from Pete’s ass with this one.

-C

STAR

Let’s start with the terrible, terrible hair that her fucking six-year-old cousin must have cut.  Did bitch put her finger in the nearest electric socket and pray for a miracle? Seriously, what the hell is her hair trying to do…run away?

Next make-up and smirk…really, just face in general.  Bitch looks like she had a bit too much botox put in all of the right places because it looks as though her skin won’t move for days.

The dress.  It’s a mess like the rest of her.

-C

Need I say more? Someone was a little too happy about the wrap-up of 90210’s first season.

And there you have it.  Meet the before and after.  She looks like a hot tranny mess regardless.  Ahh, the powers of PhotoShop.

Alright…there are a few things wrong in this picture.  Numero uno…what the fuck shoes is that bitch wearing? Is she going on a space mission to the Moon? Numero dos, did a skunk shit in Nick Carter’s hair? Numero tres, where did he get money to shop? Numero quatro, that bitch is holding on for dear life hoping that this guy won’t run as far away as possible.  Numero cinqo, she’s looking at the camera like its a bologna sandwich.

So I’m please to introduce you to this hot bitch (I have no idea what her name is nor do I care…she probably plays for the Philadelphia Eagles or something) who is Nick’s girlfriend.  You could say that although Nick has been looking better, he upgraded in appearance and downgraded in the girlfriend department.  The bitch is a hot mess from Moon shoe to hungry eyes.  So my question is…who’s on top?

-C

Did Josh Duhamel wipe his ass with his new wife’s head? Fergie reappeared on stage with her old band, Black Eyed Peas.  All she was able to do was scare everyone in the audience.

Congratulations to today’s hot mess…FERGIE!

-C

Wow.  Sucha a good hot mess story.  Moving through men like water, popping out kids with different baby daddies…it’s great!

That chick who tried the whole lesbian thing with Ellen Degeneres has a kid.  She goes by the name of Anne Heche.  Recently divorced Anne Heche has finally popped!

The freshly divorced I guess actress popped out her second son this weekend and named him Atlas.  Betcha Etta James is proud.  Imagine being named Atlas? Feel for the kid.

Babydaddy is current flavor of the week, James Tupper…who’s apparently an actor.  She has another son named Homer with another babydaddy.  The divorce between Heche and ex-husband Coley Laffoon was just finalized this week.  Bitch moves fast! That’s probably why it worked well for Ellen…her tongue probably zig zagged that shizz.

-C

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