blondieenyc

*Thank you Melissa for this story!*

So I don’t know why Robert Pattinson would tap that ass other than being forced to contractually because Kristen Stewart’s about as fun as a tampon.  Actually she’s just like a tampon.  She just kind of hangs around and makes everything uncomfortable.

Life & Style this week claim that the two stars of Twilight are apparently rubbing no-no’s again since they’re back together working on the set of New Moon.  “We went through a lot together, so we feel very close,” says Kristen says about Rob.  You know, maybe this is true since Rob seems so hard up for ass lately…so much so that he can’t get laid in New York so when you’re desperate and in want of some bootay, I guess it would make sense that he’d bang a dead fish.  You all know that bitch doesn’t move during sexy times…she barely moves when she has to attend a premiere.  We get those STONED eyes she likes to present as a means to say “Why am I here? Where’s the dope?” It’s either banging fat Hot Topic tweens or that…so I’d assume he’d choose the latter…with great disdain.

They also describe in the mag that when asked about making out with Rob, Kristen apparently blushed uncontrollably.  I’d like to see this because we all saw that shit yesterday when she just sat there when asked the same question during a film promotion for Adventureland.  I’d be surprised if she had enough energy to actually part her lips—God I feel TERRIBLE for that alleged non-famous boyfriend of hers.  She sucks harder on a pipe than actual speedo sack.  God forbid she got a surprise from when and if she ever ventures further than his belly button, she’d roll her eyes, sigh a MILLION times (*see Twilight the movie), and go “Uh, what?”  She’s just awkward and uncomfortable.  You know it’s true, too.

-C

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