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Archive for the 'Madonna' Category

Apr 14 2009

Madonna’s Former Nanny Spills Details

Angela Jacobsen’s a smart bitch because she probably got paid a nice $um for dishing the details on Australian television.  In an interview with the once nanny, Jacobsen appears to have no negative feelings towards the material mom.  She describes Madonna as a “loving caring” mother who “spent lots of time with the children.”

When it comes to the rejection of M’s adoption bid for Mercy James, the former nanny is disappointed in the court’s decision:

“It’s a shame. It would’ve been a great opportunity for the little girl… She would have been well looked after in a loving family.”

She also shot down rumors of Madonna giving her the boot asap and explains that she was let go from her duties as David’s nanny due to the kid now attending a French preschool which requires him a nanny fluent in French.  Says Jacobsen:

“I was learning basics with David, but he progressed far quicker than I did and I’m not able to help with homework and things like that.”

She also went into details about M’s strict ban on television and also reveals that the ban extends to newspapers.  The kids all follow a strict macrobiotic-kosher diet and are banned from McDonald’s.  That fucking sucks.  Those kids are going to grow up with sticks in their asses.  That or someone is going to introduce them into the world of fast food and those bitches are gonna put on an easy 15.

-C

YAHOO

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Apr 13 2009

Madonna’s Adoption Crisis

Okay, bear with me on this crap.  Last week, it was said that Madonna will be building a home for herself in Malawi in order to somehow change the mind of the judge that basically told her to fuck off without a kid two weeks ago.  She’s decided to build a house next to her already planned all-girls school there.  Did she not learn anything from Oprah?

Apparently her recent visit to Malawi wasn’t only to steal a kid, but she was also there to oversee construction of her school and she also told her architect to draw up plans for a house.  The Sun says:

“Madonna has a big, beautiful plot of land over there already. She’s planning to build a girl’s school in the Chinkhota village and those designs are well under way. But she’s gone back to the designers and asked if they could accommodate a family home on the plot or on adjacent land.”

The villagers are still apparently pissed because Madge has yet to compensate them so I bet those fuckers put some voo doo Poltergeist shit on the land.  In other news, in a last minute attempt to rally the people of Malawi against the denial of her adoption, the usually private Madonna allowed Malawian newspaper, Nation, to interview about the tug-of-war situation.  Madonna explains her desires for baby Mercy James if she were able to live with her:

“I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and healthcare possible…And it’s my hope that she, like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country.”

She couldn’t reveal much regarding the appeal of the denial, but she did tip her hat for the Malawian people for their continued support of her adoption.  Says Madonna:

“Though I have been advised that I cannot publicly discuss the pending appeal regarding my desire to adopt Mercy, I do want to say how much I appreciate the level of support that I have received from the people of Malawi and my friends around the world.”

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Apr 08 2009

Madonna Does Have A Heart

Hmm…think Madonna’s doing this to possibly change the court’s decision on giving her a baybay in Malawi? Anyway, it’s still pretty fucking nice of this bitch.

Madonna can be anything she wants and get away with it.  A slut, a tramp, a bitch, a perfectionist, a saint, a fucking magical mystical unicorn if she wanted.  In this case, she’s playing the role as saint.  A saint in the fact that she generously made a ”substantial donation to the Italian city of Pacentro to aid the victims of the devastating 6.3 magnitude earthquake that hit the Abruzzo region of Italy on Monday.”

Why such a huge donation? Well obviously to help the thousands who were affected, but it also turns out that Madonna’s grandparents were residents of the area until 1919. 

“I am happy to lend a helping hand to the town that my ancestors are from,” says Madge. “My heart goes out to the families that have lost loved ones or their homes. 

Madge’s rep, Liz Rosenberg, has stayed mum on how much the material mom donated, but sources have spilled that Madge has donated an amount in the $500,000 range.  Does she possibly want to help out a college graduate in debt? A tornado hit my backyard last year ruining my trampoline…that’s got to count!

-C

PEOPLE

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Apr 07 2009

Madonna Returns To London Sad, Greeted By Guy

Although I’m sure Guy Ritchie has a personal target poster of Madonna hanging up in his office, he still manages to deal with her shit.  After Madge was basically slapped on the ass and sent packing without a kid, she packed up and returned to London to spend the upcoming Passover.

And who was there to meet Madge when she landed? None other than Guy.  Madge is said to be absolutely heartbroken after hearing the judge’s ruling, telling friends:

“I can’t believe I’m leaving my beautiful baby behind. It’s not right. I love that baby girl… She’s my little girl - she needs to be with me.”

The judge believed that the adoption would promote child trafficking, explaining:

“By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children, the courts by their pronouncements could actually facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals who would take advantage of the weakness of the law of the land.”

Regardless, that kid would have had a sick and great life…even if Madonna sometimes acts like a Martyr, at least the kid would be fly free.  The four-year-old girl, Mercy James’ uncle Peter Baneti, even supports his niece being adopted by the pop queen.  Baneti argued:

“We as a family discussed this and agreed that it is in the best interests of Mercy to have her adopted, so why should the judge stop this if the family is OK with it?”

Madonna has informed her lawyer, Alan Chinula, to

“Do whatever you can to get me my Mercy; I can’t imagine her going back to the orphanage.”

Mercy’s birth father, James Kambewa, does not believe the adoption is the right path for his daughter, stating:

“I bear no grudge against Madonna. But I am Mercy’s father and I want her to stay with me… I will make it plain that my daughter will be staying in Malawi with me.”

Really? So why the fuck is your kid shacking up in an orphanage?

Although Madge and Ritchie didn’t exchange words, it’s been reported that Ritchie has fully supported his ex wife’s decision to adopt calling her a great mother.  Just a really shitty wife who used to beat him on a nightly basis.

-C

DAILYMAIL

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Apr 03 2009

Madonna Appeals Adoption Ruling

And because she can and because she’s rich, Madonna, isn’t going down without a fight.  Just after a Malawi court basically told a bitch to take a hike without a kid (four-year-old girl Mercy James), Madonna has appealed the ruling

Madge’s lawyerbitch Alan Chinula says:

“I just filed the notice of appeal this afternoon on instructions from my client.”

The judge basically acknowledged Madonna’s ability to be a great and loving mother, but refused to break the rules just because she’s a famous rich bitch.  Judge says:

“It is necessary that we look beyond the petitioner … and consider the consequences of opening the doors too wide.  By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children, the courts … could actually facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals.”

Let’s see how a bitch gets out of this one…methinks a little dong slapping, a couple thou, a promise to never make another single movie ever again, and what have you would work.

-C

Source

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Apr 03 2009

Malawi Court Says ‘No’ To Madonna’s Adoption

How unfortunate.  Maybe what Madonna wants, she doesn’t always get.  In an attempt to adopt a motherless litle girl who lives in an orphanage in Malawi, a local judge basically hammered down his shizz and said Hell to the NO today.

Zione Ntaba, a spokesperson for the Malawi Justice Department said:

“The decision came down to residency requirement and the fact that the judge believes she was being well taken care of in the orphanage.  For the Malawians, the fact that the child is at an orphanage, is being taken care of and is going through the school education system, that does qualify as the best interests of a child.”

Odd since Madonna was able to get David Banda without having residency last time around.  They made an exception for her then, but why not now? It’s unclear as to why the judge ruled differently, but another judge had handled Madonna’s prior adoption case. 

And riddle me this, but a kid would be provided for better in an orphanage than in a huge ass mansion, with siblings, a mother, and a shit load of money? Sans flies buzzing around its head? Madonna has the opportunity to appeal today’s ruling to Malawi’s Supreme Court if she decides to.  Listen, I love to poke fun at Madge, but in the end this BIA is going to be able to provide for any kid more than an orphanage can. 

-C

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Apr 03 2009

Madonna Beats Her Kids

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So Madonna threw on the fake happy face and took her adopted son, David, to meet with his biological papa, Yohane Banda.  Unfortunately, the kid’s been wrapped up in so much Madge shit from divorce to ritual sucking of the virgin souls to keep young that the kid didn’t know who the fuck he was.

They spent about three hours together…first time since 2006.  Really great that Madonna takes every opportunity she gets to bring him back to hang with his dad.  Bitch has more than enough money to make it happen.  I want a divorce from Guy right now! Okay here’s $20 mil! I want 50 botox injections! Here’s hundreds of thousands of dollars.  I want to work out with my best friend Gwyneth Boringtrow with our overly priced trainer! You get the point.  Whatever.

The father was obviously stunned that the boy did not remember him and also could not speak his native tongue.  What? Madonna couldn’t get one of her precious slaves to fetch a few fucking picture? Yohane said:

He asked me in English who I was and what I do. When I told him, ‘I am your daddy’ he looked surprised. We spent three hours together… he played with my nose and although he did not know who I was he asked me lots of questions.

“David is quite chatty and intelligent. He asked whether I ride horses but I told him horses are for the rich. He asked me why I am poor. He said his mum likes riding horses and told me that one day he and his brother, Rocco, rode horses and fell. He said his mum spanked him because they are not supposed to ride on their own.”

Madonna’s a CHILD BEATER!!!! What a fuck!!!! That’s probably because she put her God damn Swept Away movie on and David covered his eyes in sheer embarassment.  Also, David’s a little brat! Asking his dad why he’s rich? I’m surprised he didn’t sashay his head and say “Girrrrl I’m used to the fin-uh things in life! I ride horses to Mummy & Daddy’sWhoever She’s Currently Banging’s room!” David also told Yohane he misses his nanny, who quit or was fired by Madonna–whatever:

“He misses her a lot because she used to read him books. Nowadays he has different nannies and he doesn’t like the situation.”

God forbid Madonna actually takes care of the kids she purchases or lifts a finger to read a book.  She has about three other nannies on call to do such things.  The little boy also spoke of his relationship with Guy Ritchie:

He seems to like his daddy Mr. Ritchie so much,” said Yohana. “I was a sad Madonna broke up with him. I would have loved it if they sorted out whatever problems they had instead of divorcing because divorce is bad for kids.”

Well, Yohana, you know how she spanks your kid? She used to man handle Ritchie on a fucking daily basis.  What a total steroid mess.

-C

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Apr 01 2009

Guy Ritchie’s Livin’ It Up

Well, file this story under DUH.  Ever since Guy Ritchie got out of his hell Madonna marriage, guy has been spotted partying it up like it’s Studio 54 with tons of babes at his beck and call.  Most recently, he was wine and dining model Elle Macpherson.

It’s one thing to be active about it and another to be vocal.  At a party on Monday, Guy said:

“I’m single again – and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m loving it at the moment. This is what I’ve been missing.”

So at the Empire Awards after-party that night…he really put what he said to work.  A guest at the party noted that the famed director was partying with several hotties and celebrities.  The source says:

“Guy was larking around with his mates – they were pretending to punch each other and were bopping their heads to Britney’s Womanizer. He was minding his own business, but once word spread that he was in the building he couldn’t get a minute to himself with all the ladies approaching him. He was quite a catch, making them feel at ease, asking each of their names and having a giggle with them. One girl got her mate to take a picture of her kissing him, and he was totally game.”

Good for him.  He went from sleeping with a skeleton to possibly bedding the hottest babes in town.  You know Madge’s body made the bed freeze at night so much so that Guy’s peen lacked in the expanding department.

-C

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Mar 30 2009

Madonna Finds Some Trouble In Malawi

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Madonna needs to relax, take a pill, and fucking sleep to fix her zombie like face for a few days.  Maybe take a vacation from saving Africa since bitch basically thinks she owns it.  She also needs to set her daughter, Lola, up for an eyebrow waxing as soon as possible.  She arrived in Africa this weekend, you know, to open up her net and catch another kid.

Unfortunately, bitch isn’t getting away so easily with snatching up a kid.  Madge will have to show her face in a court in Malawi today to make the final payment on her new kid, Mercy James.  However, the BIA’s mom mom isn’t going down without a fight…she’s trying to stop the adoption. 

Lucy Chekechiwa who is the mother of three-year-old Mercy is telling papers that the Vadgesty is nothing more than a baby snatcher.  She might have a case since I’m sure Baby Jesus Luz’s mother will sign on to that.  Lucy said she made an agreement with the orphanage Lucy is shacking up with at then when the kid turned six, she’d come back home.  Last time I read I though this kid’s parents were dead? I’m so confused.  Lucy went on to say:

“Why doesn’t this singer pick other children? It is stealing. I want to go to court, I won’t let her go.”

Give. me. a. break.  All Madonna has to do is whip out a nice wad of cash money, throw it in Lucy’s hands, and give her the death stare.  Instant success.  Not only is Lucy bothered by Madonna’s entry into Africa, but apparently some villagers are pissed she’s building a girls’ school around their areas.  Girls school my ass.  You know that shit is there for whenever Madonna wants to come back and baby snatch a new find. 

Villagers are saying that they have been told many of their homes and gardens will be torn down in order for the school to exist.  A government official said the villagers would be compensated by the singer’s foundation.  When a journalist asked the singer if she was worried about all of this, she responded “NO!!!” and that’s because Madonna knows that with an icy stare or the snap of her fingers, everything will go her way regardless of the many African villagers who will be homeless, but don’t worry! Madonna is trying to SAVE AFRICA…so this makes sense…ruining the homes and gardens of those who, uh, live there.

-C

Source & Source

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Mar 27 2009

Madonna To Officially Adopt 3-Year-Old Girl

As I reported yesterday, Madonna herself is traveling to Malawi to adopt this weekend.  Rumors were flying around that she was choosing a girl and they were right.

Malawi officials have confirmed that the Madgesty is indeed adopting a 3-year-old girl who goes by the name of Mercy James.

“The adoption is going ahead. It has been at an advanced stage for some time,” said Malawi’s Director of Child Welfare Services, Penstone Kilembe to UsWeekly.

Sad story behind Mercy.  She has no father or mother and was put into the Mchinji Home of Hope orphanage.  The officials apparently finished the assessment yesterday so the documents are ready for the courts next week.  Like I said, what Madonna wants…she gets.

-C

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