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Angela Jacobsen’s a smart bitch because she probably got paid a nice $um for dishing the details on Australian television.  In an interview with the once nanny, Jacobsen appears to have no negative feelings towards the material mom.  She describes Madonna as a “loving caring” mother who “spent lots of time with the children.”

When it comes to the rejection of M’s adoption bid for Mercy James, the former nanny is disappointed in the court’s decision:

“It’s a shame. It would’ve been a great opportunity for the little girl… She would have been well looked after in a loving family.”

She also shot down rumors of Madonna giving her the boot asap and explains that she was let go from her duties as David’s nanny due to the kid now attending a French preschool which requires him a nanny fluent in French.  Says Jacobsen:

“I was learning basics with David, but he progressed far quicker than I did and I’m not able to help with homework and things like that.”

She also went into details about M’s strict ban on television and also reveals that the ban extends to newspapers.  The kids all follow a strict macrobiotic-kosher diet and are banned from McDonald’s.  That fucking sucks.  Those kids are going to grow up with sticks in their asses.  That or someone is going to introduce them into the world of fast food and those bitches are gonna put on an easy 15.

-C

YAHOO

Okay, bear with me on this crap.  Last week, it was said that Madonna will be building a home for herself in Malawi in order to somehow change the mind of the judge that basically told her to fuck off without a kid two weeks ago.  She’s decided to build a house next to her already planned all-girls school there.  Did she not learn anything from Oprah?

Apparently her recent visit to Malawi wasn’t only to steal a kid, but she was also there to oversee construction of her school and she also told her architect to draw up plans for a house.  The Sun says:

“Madonna has a big, beautiful plot of land over there already. She’s planning to build a girl’s school in the Chinkhota village and those designs are well under way. But she’s gone back to the designers and asked if they could accommodate a family home on the plot or on adjacent land.”

The villagers are still apparently pissed because Madge has yet to compensate them so I bet those fuckers put some voo doo Poltergeist shit on the land.  In other news, in a last minute attempt to rally the people of Malawi against the denial of her adoption, the usually private Madonna allowed Malawian newspaper, Nation, to interview about the tug-of-war situation.  Madonna explains her desires for baby Mercy James if she were able to live with her:

“I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and healthcare possible…And it’s my hope that she, like David, will one day return to Malawi and help the people of their country.”

She couldn’t reveal much regarding the appeal of the denial, but she did tip her hat for the Malawian people for their continued support of her adoption.  Says Madonna:

“Though I have been advised that I cannot publicly discuss the pending appeal regarding my desire to adopt Mercy, I do want to say how much I appreciate the level of support that I have received from the people of Malawi and my friends around the world.”

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So Madonna threw on the fake happy face and took her adopted son, David, to meet with his biological papa, Yohane Banda.  Unfortunately, the kid’s been wrapped up in so much Madge shit from divorce to ritual sucking of the virgin souls to keep young that the kid didn’t know who the fuck he was.

They spent about three hours together…first time since 2006.  Really great that Madonna takes every opportunity she gets to bring him back to hang with his dad.  Bitch has more than enough money to make it happen.  I want a divorce from Guy right now! Okay here’s $20 mil! I want 50 botox injections! Here’s hundreds of thousands of dollars.  I want to work out with my best friend Gwyneth Boringtrow with our overly priced trainer! You get the point.  Whatever.

The father was obviously stunned that the boy did not remember him and also could not speak his native tongue.  What? Madonna couldn’t get one of her precious slaves to fetch a few fucking picture? Yohane said:

He asked me in English who I was and what I do. When I told him, ‘I am your daddy’ he looked surprised. We spent three hours together… he played with my nose and although he did not know who I was he asked me lots of questions.

“David is quite chatty and intelligent. He asked whether I ride horses but I told him horses are for the rich. He asked me why I am poor. He said his mum likes riding horses and told me that one day he and his brother, Rocco, rode horses and fell. He said his mum spanked him because they are not supposed to ride on their own.”

Madonna’s a CHILD BEATER!!!! What a fuck!!!! That’s probably because she put her God damn Swept Away movie on and David covered his eyes in sheer embarassment.  Also, David’s a little brat! Asking his dad why he’s rich? I’m surprised he didn’t sashay his head and say “Girrrrl I’m used to the fin-uh things in life! I ride horses to Mummy & Daddy’sWhoever She’s Currently Banging’s room!” David also told Yohane he misses his nanny, who quit or was fired by Madonna–whatever:

“He misses her a lot because she used to read him books. Nowadays he has different nannies and he doesn’t like the situation.”

God forbid Madonna actually takes care of the kids she purchases or lifts a finger to read a book.  She has about three other nannies on call to do such things.  The little boy also spoke of his relationship with Guy Ritchie:

He seems to like his daddy Mr. Ritchie so much,” said Yohana. “I was a sad Madonna broke up with him. I would have loved it if they sorted out whatever problems they had instead of divorcing because divorce is bad for kids.”

Well, Yohana, you know how she spanks your kid? She used to man handle Ritchie on a fucking daily basis.  What a total steroid mess.

-C

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Madonna needs to relax, take a pill, and fucking sleep to fix her zombie like face for a few days.  Maybe take a vacation from saving Africa since bitch basically thinks she owns it.  She also needs to set her daughter, Lola, up for an eyebrow waxing as soon as possible.  She arrived in Africa this weekend, you know, to open up her net and catch another kid.

Unfortunately, bitch isn’t getting away so easily with snatching up a kid.  Madge will have to show her face in a court in Malawi today to make the final payment on her new kid, Mercy James.  However, the BIA’s mom mom isn’t going down without a fight…she’s trying to stop the adoption. 

Lucy Chekechiwa who is the mother of three-year-old Mercy is telling papers that the Vadgesty is nothing more than a baby snatcher.  She might have a case since I’m sure Baby Jesus Luz’s mother will sign on to that.  Lucy said she made an agreement with the orphanage Lucy is shacking up with at then when the kid turned six, she’d come back home.  Last time I read I though this kid’s parents were dead? I’m so confused.  Lucy went on to say:

“Why doesn’t this singer pick other children? It is stealing. I want to go to court, I won’t let her go.”

Give. me. a. break.  All Madonna has to do is whip out a nice wad of cash money, throw it in Lucy’s hands, and give her the death stare.  Instant success.  Not only is Lucy bothered by Madonna’s entry into Africa, but apparently some villagers are pissed she’s building a girls’ school around their areas.  Girls school my ass.  You know that shit is there for whenever Madonna wants to come back and baby snatch a new find. 

Villagers are saying that they have been told many of their homes and gardens will be torn down in order for the school to exist.  A government official said the villagers would be compensated by the singer’s foundation.  When a journalist asked the singer if she was worried about all of this, she responded “NO!!!” and that’s because Madonna knows that with an icy stare or the snap of her fingers, everything will go her way regardless of the many African villagers who will be homeless, but don’t worry! Madonna is trying to SAVE AFRICA…so this makes sense…ruining the homes and gardens of those who, uh, live there.

-C

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