blondieenyc

The picture has nothing to do with the story, but since it’s a piece of shit story, I figure putting Joe Francis’ mug as the photo makes the most sense.  Since the porn industry has some crazies in it as of late…i.e. Joe Franic and Larry Flynt wanting a bailout for the adult entertainment industry…it comes as no surprise that a Hong Kong filmmaker wants to produce the world’s first 3D porn.

Stephen Shiu Jnr said:

“Just imagine that you’ll be watching it as if you were sitting beside the bed.”

I don’t know.  Giant peens and vagines on the big screen comin’ at me (literally) like a bat out of hell? Yeah, I’ll pass.  Apparently the 3D sexcapade will be based on the 17th century Chinese erotic classic The Carnal Prayer Mat.  The love scenes willt take up 25-30% of the film.  Shiu says the greatest challenge so far is finding a male actor to take it all off for the camera.  I’m sure Mickey Rourke is game for anything these days.

-C

AND THERE YOU HAS IT!!!!! STOP TRYING TO BRING KANYE DOWNNNN!!!! I DON’T WANT TO DO BISEXUAL PORN!!!!! WHY CAN’T PEOPLE ACCEPT A MOTHA FUCKAAA WHO MADEE IT!!!!!!! A BLOG SAYS A THOUSAND WORDS!!!! A PRESIDENT IS ELECTED AND YOU TRIED TO RUIN MY PERFORMANCE!!!!!!!!

that’s the sum if you don’t want to read that shit.  I somehow allowed myself to enter Hell and read it all and I regret it.

-Cw

Starting on Tuesday night we saw a Kanye West transformation.  For one thing, he’s letting some poor excuse of a hair nub grow on the back of his head triggering by 1975 and it seems as though he wants to keep that going. 

Since he’s soooo artistic and sooo edgy, in a new interview, the “voice of a generation” says he’ll even get down and do some bisexual porn:

“I know people will find that as another thing to hate me on, but fuck it. I’m open to doing porn. Hell, I’ll even do bisexual scenes - myself, another man and a woman, or just me and two women. I know people will find that as some weird shit, but I am who I am.”

Why he went on the record and said this is beyond me.  Is this why he’s so close with Jay-Z and Beyonce? And oh yeah his big mouth didn’t stop there.  He goes on to explain why he’s such an iconic artist:

“I’m an artist. Artist expand; they don’t contract. What do I look like staying confined in one space with all my talent? I’m an icon.”

It’s funny that this doesn’t really strike me all that much.  I wonder what would happen if we put Kanye in a confined 2×2 room and didn’t let his artistry combust for a year.  I’m praying he’d self destruct alongside his AirMAC. Actually, I’m sure even in death he’d find a way to press caps lock and fully rant.

-Cw

When your only claim to Z-Lister fame was because you shot your lover’s wife in the head in the early 90s, it doesn’t seem to out of the oridnary that you’d resort to doing some porn.  Back in 1992, 17-year old Amy Fisher shot the wife of her then 36-year old lover, Joey Buttafuoco, and the two have stayed in the ZList spotlight since.

Then in October 2007, Amys then estranged husband Lou Ballera sold a sex tape of the couple that made me want to vomit.  After some legal shit, the video was finally released January 2008.  They coincidentally rekindled their romance at the time of the porn fiasco. 

Seems like Amy’s calling is porn because according to reports, she’s set to start in a pay-per-view special that will feature ‘explicit’ girl-on-girl action. In an interview, she says she would love to do some boy-on-girl stuff, but her husband, Ballera, “seems to have a problem with it.”

He’s apparently okay with the girl stuff because, says Amy:

“…to him that doesn’t seem like cheating. To me, none of it seems like cheating—it’s just having a good time. And there are a lot of great looking guys out there who I would love to work with.”

Hey, he may not have a problem with it, but my fucking face does if I’m subject to view this shit.  And I’m curious so I will so I apologize to my face in advance.

Class and Trash with an Edge of sASS*-Cw

Okay so I admit when I was like six and playing with Barbies, I used to make them do really crazy things. I remember one specific time my mom walked in right when I had Ken lifting up Barbie’s shirt.  I then threw the two dolls across the room, but it was too late.  My mom knew I was making naughty times with plastic.

So it doesn’t surprise me that the creater behind them was just as perverted as me.  According the new book Toy Monster: The Big, Bad World of Mattel, Jack Ryan, the designer who made Barbie popular was:

a “full-blown seventies-style swinger” with “a manic need for sexual gratification.” Back in the day, Ryan would host several orgies at his Bel-Air mansion.

Dayyyyum.  He’s also described as surrounding himself with “busty Barbie clones.” He also married many times and was once hitched to Zsa Zsa Gabor. 

The “voice of Barbie” Gwen Florea, also dated this clown.  In the book she reveals:

“He once said to me he loved me being tall so he could stick his nose in my boobs when he hugged me.”

And when it rains, it pours…a close friend of Ryan’s says in the book: 

“When Jack talked about creating Barbie . . . it was like listening to somebody talk about a sexual episode, almost like listening to a sexual pervert . . .” Ryan apparently would even take “calls at Mattel from a madam” and would often hook up with one “very thin and child-like” hooker.

Well, Barbie is a very sexual being.  All of that plastic and no panties man.  And if you’re wondering where the doll names came from, they were named after the children of the Mattel founders.  Unfortunately, the honor embarrassed the dude who made the doll Ken famous.  It’s said that Ken:

“grew up embarrassed and humiliated by having an anatomically incorrect boy doll named after him . . . [with] no hint of genitalia.”

And Ken didn’t like the boobies! He was a closet gay who was married and had three kids.  In 1994 he died after suffering from AIDS.  Holy fuck! My images of this Barbie empire are shattered! Not so much about Barbie’s slutty image because we all knew what that bitch was doing on weeknights, but Ken! I mean, Ken was always kind of gay so it makes sense.  There was just never any butt hole so that’s what always through me off.  Oh well.

Class and Trash with an Edge of sASS*-Cw

I’m 100% serious with that headline.  Both Joe Francis and Larry Flynt cite a recession-inducing downturn in adult entertainment sales and believe the government should give them a $5 million bailout.  Because you know fake titties, stretched out v’s, and peenies are a few of the most important things to worry about in the morning.  We’re all basically poor, but give the boozed up underage girls some cashhhh money.

Flynt explains:

“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”

Because when you’re losing money, even jacking off is in the back of your head.  Trust me.  I’ve lessened the touch me sessions drastically.  Francis says:

“Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration.”

You know I’d go out on a limb here and say that Congress is more than likely not going to give money to a recent ex-con to fly down to Cancun and get 17-year-old drunken boozed up ho’s to show their tata’s.  I also don’t think giving money to a fat perverted man who has a dick up a v 24 hours a day is going to fix many of the economic issues at hand.  Now if Elliot Spitzer or Bill Clinton’s Lewinsky days were heading this shit, then I’d reconsider. J, don’t be sad…porn’s not going away 

Class and Trash with an Edge of sASS*-Cw