
Oh yes. It’s the episode we all waited for. When VH1 makes sock puppets that look better than the actual real live people on the show. Even with cotton for brains, I’d say they still beat them in that department as well. Trina decides to get the four remaining couples together and tells them that this week’s lesson is centered on: ROMANCE. Probably a word that most of these guys cannot even sound out.
Trina explains that each will don a puppet and say how they’re feeling through the cotton friend. I’m surprised they were actually able to both move the sock and speak at the same time.




Ashley and Josh are up first. I’m sure with all of the cotton and material Ashley needs for her shirt that making a puppet from scratch would have worked in their favor. Plus, these puppets would have worked thoroughly for Josh since he more than likely has a chapstick for a dick. Anyway, Ashley propositions Josh for sex through her puppet and he accepts responsibility for not being passionate enough towards her. I think perhaps the best part of this show is that we learn Josh is barely a one-minute man.
Next up is MatsuSUX and Jenna. Right from the get go from the girl who apparently wants to remain celibate, she says she likes to be dominate. Reasoning behind her not being intimate with her mans is that she believes Matsu never takes initiative. Knowing that now, he claims he will. He also mentions that getting her from behind would be the “perfect keyhole.” Perfect keyhole for an asshole!
Things get tricky now as Trina asks the two remaining couples to swap socks and play each other. So Shawn and Aida start it off. Shawn mocks Aida (probably the only thing he can do to communicate with her) and her interest in foreplay and cuddling (”All I wanna do is be held for hours and hours and hours) while Aida basically nails Shawn perfectly claiming he’s always in a rush.
My favorite couple are Tommy and Krista who magically have a perfect relationship with their puppets. Yeah…if it’s so perfect than why the fuck are you on the show to begin with? Tommy takes an interview and says they are keeping mum on this because it is their privacy. You know, because this show isn’t meant to turn these morons into semi decent men or anything.


Well because Tommy and Krista basically tell the meeting to fuck off, this pisses the other girls in the house off. Finally a good cat fight! It just started to get good last week! After themeeting, Krista and Jenna basically go at it. Krista looks like a blowfish.
As the fight keeps escalating, Krista says she’s basically shutting up because she’s got kids…yeah, and they won’t be embarassed that you were on this show or anything right? She claims she has more to lose than anyone else. Of course everyone else gets on her ass. Ashley feels as though Krista is somehow setting her aside because she lives with her parents, but you know since Krista’s “keeping her mouth shut” she responds to Ashley by saying: “Bitch, I don’t care about you.” Nice!
While the girls continue to bicker, the guys get a lesson in sexual edu-mu-cation. Via some lady who reminds me of my aunt for a strange reason, they learn all of the glorious wonders of life. You know like keeping your nails trim, how to rub your girl, and where the big O zone is on a lady.

Dinner for two! A real life plate of vagine! Well, the vagine is plastic, but you know what I mean. There’s even some hairy fuzz on that shizz! Of course all of the guys are all like “YEAH! VAGINA!” but they’re mistaken because Sexpert Lady tells them it’s in fact a vulva and that the vagine is what’s inside. What a delectable present! So now she puts them to the test and asks the guy to find the G-spot, but our good ol Tommy boy declines. Shawn, since he’s such an endearing human being, questions why he won’t do it if the rest of them are. Tommy claims he already knows the end all of how to please a woman. If he can prove to me how to spell please, I’ll consider him knowing it all.

Whatever. Challenge time! This seems to be a toughy since the couples will have to hold a heart ornament between their lips while standing on separate platforms. Whoever wins gets first choice from a bunch of dates to their lady on. Basically, whoever holds this crap for the longest goes first, whoever lasted before that goes second, and so on.

Outcome win belongs to Tommy and Krista. Shawn and Aida go down first, followed by Jenna and MatsuFuck, and then Ashley and Josh. Tommy and Krista basically win because somehow Krista takes her probably ace of a blowjob mouth and sucks that shit almost whole.
Tommy picks first and chooses the stupidest date of them all…a night on the lake. A night on the lake with their favorite friends mosquito and slugs. Josh chooses the spa date. Matsu gets the dinner and a movie. Shawn gets stuck with the camping trip. The guys are then given money to go shopping in an attempt to personalize their dates. Basically if VH1 didn’t supply the cash, these mofo’s would have been long gone and cutting shit out of paper towels. Trina watches all of their dates.




So Josh and Ashley are a success because Ashley’s never gotten a massage and automatically thinks this is the best date idea. When looking at the food, she goes bonkers over Caesar Salad. Really? She claims to love Caesar Salad and my momey would have been on some fried chicken. She also loves how Josh got her shrimp even though she hates it…the girl went nuts over the stupidest things. I guess from all of those years of being set aside.
Jenna loves Matsu’s date because she loves movies. God, if Caesar Salad and movies could make me that happy everyday, I would have settled for shit.
Even though Shawn got stuck with the shitty camping trip, Trina notes down that he’s making up for it by toasting to a future together. A future full of gel in every section of hair and muscle t-shirts.
As for Tommy and Krista…the bitch nags the entire time not understanding if he had the first choice of date, why he chose this. She’s cold and doesn’t like going through the wilderness in heels…yeah, the wilderness of the Tool Academy backyard must be tough. Oh and the table is also small and the food is gross. Because Tommy didn’t consider Krista’s view on what’s romantic, she knocks some points off.

In the meantime, Josh gives Ashley a heart and key made of gold. Shawn gives Aida something similar. And Jenna gives Matsu a boner by simply rubbing her ass and vagine on his genitals. Celibate my ass. Krista’s basically unhappier than when she arrived.

And what I’m sure the tools didn’t want to happen although they act excited, the girls arrive back to the villa and receive a notice explaining that they are to move in with the boys.

Why Aida is excited to share a 2×2 bed with her boyfriend full of gas is beyond me, but nonetheless, she’s excited as so are the rest of the girls. So everyone goes to the kitchen to celebrate by having some drinks while Tommy and Krista refrain from joining the festivities.


Shawn and Matsu make fun of them and Krista walks in to view it. Matsu somehow starts getting really angry when Tommy doesn’t stand up for himself. He basically says Krista wears the pants. He even smacks a counter! He’s so strong!

Tommy just laughs. As the girls talk to their boys to calm ‘em down, the fight keeps on going. Basically he turns to the camera and says if Matsu disrespects his girl that he’s going to beat the shit out of him.




Sucks for him because he goes home. Krista leaves him! The girls hug her…they just fought, right? The guys come out to laugh at him. Really, they’re making such improvements!

