Apr 13 2009
I’m putting a threat out to everyone now. If I see anyone wearing these ridiculously out of control contacts, I will slap the shit out of you Chris Brown style and you will thank me for it later.
Is this not ridiculous??? Can you believe that colored contact lenses promoting the new Twilight DVD are making rounds in the UK??? Some genius actually created these crazy pieces of crap.
-C
Apr 13 2009
First we had Dakota Fanning and now a new vampire has been cast to the upcoming sequel of Twilight, New Moon. Actor Michael Sheen who has starred in such films as The Queen and Frost/Nixon will take on the role of Aro in the new flick.
Aro is the leader of an Italian vampire clan called the Volturi. Director Chris Weitz confirmed the casting and even said he ‘aggressively’ pursued him. He said:
“Michael’s role is so important because he’s the head of all vampires. Aro is, on the surface, a very gracious and friendly vampire, but beneath that he is a tremendous threat.”
Oh, and to make us all feel better…he’s apparently being paid quite the hefty sum…while I sit here and am lucky to pop out $24K a year.
-C
Apr 03 2009
Because we all know that the broads to the left are totally the fat tweens who created this shit. Their meetings usually take place at the front of your local Hot Topic where they gush over the new Edward themed sweatbands and XXL t-shirts that just arrived. They can’t be seen in the light because a) they scare people and b) they would not be truthful to their new religion because DUH vampires shouldn’t be out in the sun or they….AH! SPARKLEEEEE like a disco globe! Too bad the only shit that would sparkle on these dumbasses would be the grease from KFC which resides daily on their mouths and chins.
Anyway, this shit was much too precious to pass up on writing about. It’s already enough that when I went to get the last book, I had to mingle amongst these heathens, the fact that they cause traffic jams at local Best Buys when the movie is released at midnight, scare the fucking bejesus out of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, prance around in their vampire-esque clothing out of the 99 cent Walmart bin, run around in JNCO jeans and have popcorn bits scurry across their t-shirts thus landing onto my fucking feet during the midnight showing of the film, but now these bitches think they’re so uber cool that they have to go ahead and create their own Twilight religion.
Their creed, say the Cullenists, includes a base set of beliefs that ‘Edward and the rest of the Twilight characters are real,’ that ‘[t]he Twilight series should be worshipped,’ and that ‘[i]f you are good in life, you will be bless[ed] with eternity with the Cullens.’
HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING TWILIGHT HELL. I swear to you this shit is true. Not only that, but you are expected to read from the Twilight books every day– “like the Bible,” –and since these mo’s took a hint and realized they needed to drop about 65 L.B.’s, they must make a a pilgrimage to Forks, Washington which is the setting for the book…I assume this is weight related since they are going to have to walk, you can’t expect me to believe these fat tweens have hundreds to dish out on flying there do you? Especially when they have to buy two seats per person…one ass cheek for each!
When people start making Tom Cruise and Scientology look normal, you know there’s a huge ass issue at large. Pun intended.
-C
Mar 20 2009
*Thank you Melissa for this story!*
So I don’t know why Robert Pattinson would tap that ass other than being forced to contractually because Kristen Stewart’s about as fun as a tampon. Actually she’s just like a tampon. She just kind of hangs around and makes everything uncomfortable.
Life & Style this week claim that the two stars of Twilight are apparently rubbing no-no’s again since they’re back together working on the set of New Moon. “We went through a lot together, so we feel very close,” says Kristen says about Rob. You know, maybe this is true since Rob seems so hard up for ass lately…so much so that he can’t get laid in New York so when you’re desperate and in want of some bootay, I guess it would make sense that he’d bang a dead fish. You all know that bitch doesn’t move during sexy times…she barely moves when she has to attend a premiere. We get those STONED eyes she likes to present as a means to say “Why am I here? Where’s the dope?” It’s either banging fat Hot Topic tweens or that…so I’d assume he’d choose the latter…with great disdain.
They also describe in the mag that when asked about making out with Rob, Kristen apparently blushed uncontrollably. I’d like to see this because we all saw that shit yesterday when she just sat there when asked the same question during a film promotion for Adventureland. I’d be surprised if she had enough energy to actually part her lips—God I feel TERRIBLE for that alleged non-famous boyfriend of hers. She sucks harder on a pipe than actual speedo sack. God forbid she got a surprise from when and if she ever ventures further than his belly button, she’d roll her eyes, sigh a MILLION times (*see Twilight the movie), and go “Uh, what?” She’s just awkward and uncomfortable. You know it’s true, too.
-C
Mar 12 2009
I don’t know why Summit Entertainment has been so quick to replace Chris Weitz as the director for the third movie in the Twilight series, but so be it. Makes sense because taping of the second film hasn’t even happened yet. It was said that even Drew Barrymore was trying to direct this shit, but sadly for her they have decided to go with Spanish horror director, Juan Antonio Bayona.
This will be Bayona’s first English directed film. The third installment of Stephanie Meyer’s four book series, Eclipse, has already been given a June 30th 2010 release date. The sequel, New Moon, will hit theaters November 20th of this year. Summit Entertainment goes through directors like Anne Heche does her men.
-C
Mar 08 2009
And there you have it Twilighters! Summit Entertainment has confirmed that Dakota Fanning will in fact portray blood sucking vampire Jane in the sequel to Twilight, New Moon.
What do you guys think?
-C
Mar 07 2009
This is an open post. Okay Kristen Stewart you need to figure out what the fuck you really like. One day you’re mouthing off about Twilight, the next your dad’s getting in on the show, then you take it back saying you were taken out of context, and now you’re praying the fourth installment (Breaking Dawn) of the Twilight series gets made.
Fucking confused. If I was that bitch, I’d shut up, thank my lucky stars someone thinks I’m talented, and also finger twiddle myself nightly about my upcoming make out scene with Robert Pattinson.
In a new interview, Stewart said she’d be shocked if the fourth movie wasn’t made:
“We all really hope there is going to be a number four. I’m pretty confident that the fans aren’t going to all of a sudden lose interest. The only case that a fourth one wouldn’t be made is if all of a sudden people stopped caring, and I really don’t think that’s going to happen.”
You know their gonna milk this shit so hooray.
-C
Mar 05 2009
Don’t ever bite the hand especially if it’s the only one feeding you at the moment. Listen, we all know this Kristen Stewart bitch who plays Bella in the Twilight series wants out of this nonsense. She did pretty much the bare minimum to promote the movie, smoked pot in public, had her dad basically rip apart the film, and now she says this shit like she’s the Queen of the fucking show.
Basically Kristen thinks she’s so important to the film that the actress has contemplated the effect of her departure from the movie series, saying:
“It would be so easy for me to send so many hundreds of girls into such a frenzy by saying I want no part of any future [Twilight] movies.”
No, see if Robert Pattinson was the one who contemplated, then there’d be a problem. I’m pretty sure all I saw were tween girls crushing each other to get into the movie, not tween guys…so unless those chicks are lesbians. I think at this point no one really gives a shit about Kristen Stewart. And whoever does probably is currently purchasing the Olsen clothes and wondering where they can grab those Sleepless In Seattle musical tickets.
-C
Source
Feb 28 2009
So guys I won’t be around today, but I will leave you with the latest in links. Let’s start today off with babies being worth $40k. Yes, it makes me sick too, but daddy’s a music mogul and mommy’s a modeling tranny!
Aside from that, it’s up in there as to who is going to direct the third installment of the ‘Twilight’ franchise, ‘Eclipse.’ An ANGEL is apparently in the running.
Speaking of running, Axl Rose might want to either shut his mouth or take a hike before his former bandmate hears what he has to say!
You know what boggles me? When two ridiculously over the top lesbian lovers attend a church service when we damn well know their incredible sinning will be far from acceptable.
Now for some fun news. What two movie stars enjoyed some bonding during their Tokyo visit to promote their movies? Hm, one’s a really great host while the other one dazzles in the sun.
And who isn’t dazzling? WOMEN. DESPERATE WOMEN!
And in sadder news, a beloved icon who had some money troubles in the past has just been diagnosed with cancer. Sad. Sad.
As for some more violent news, the older, trannier version of Brooke Hogan apparently had a hit out on her. I doubt any of us really care.
But what really got my attention yesterday was the fact that Jake Gyllenhaal makes a starring appearance in a Jamie Fox video. Odd, right?
We all knew something odd was up with Madonna’s face at the Vanity Fair Oscar after party. Didn’t bitch look a little TOO refreshed? Here’s why!
Oh Kanye, Kanye, Kanye. We know you’re a perfectionist, but now you like to surround yourself with typical video ho’s, too? Along with that, someone actually doesn’t even know who Kanye is! Diss to the ego? I think, YES!
Anyway…you won’t have to wait until the summer to get your No Doubt fix. They’re slated to perform on one of television’s most popular tv series.
And perhaps the biggest story today has to do with–you guessed it–Chris Brown and Rihanna. Bitches say these two are back together! They’re apparently shacking it up in one of Diddy’s homes. If this shit is true, Rihanna’s a dumbass and they are officially Ike and Tina Turner of the 21st century. How does it feel guys? Well, I know how it must feel on Rihanna’s unfortunate face…you know it’s used as a practice punching bag.
Until tomorrow!
-C
Feb 22 2009
It’s like movie news Sunday. Even before the Twilight sequel New Moon hits theaters this November, the third Twilight film, Eclipse already has plans for a June 2010 release date.
Which means more vampires, more werewolves, more Robert Pattinson, preferably shirtless with improved acting. Come on, I love Twilight like the rest, but you can’t tell me that in the first film when he reacts to her first day in class, you kind of want to hide your head in embarrassment for him.
Unlike Harry Potter, they’re banging this shit out before the rush ends. Smart move!
-C
Source: AccessHollywood
