Apr
21
2009
If you’ve seen Slumdog Millionaire then you know the young actress, Rubina Ali who portrayed the young Latika. This is a really sad story because it’s been said that her father was trying to sell the nine-year-old for almost $300,000. Hmm, Angelina or Madonna perhaps? However, the father has been arrested. Rubina’s mother Khurshida learned from her eldest daughter of the “adoption” and immediately filed a complaint with Indian police.
Khurshida, who left her money-hungry husband in 2001 says:
“My elder daughter had informed me… I did not believe he would actually go through with it.”
Her father apparently had plans to sell her to a Dubai sheikh. The sheikh contacted Qureshi after learning about the movie’s Oscar success back in February. Since his wife was no longer able to have children, he wanted to adopt Rubina to become his own.
Qureshi claims he refused the sheikh’s generous offer the young girl. Standing by his claim, he says: >
“I politely said Rubina is happy with me and wanted to leave. After this they made an offer of money in English which I did not understand. Then they requested me to leave her there overnight and take her in the morning. I refused and took Rubina away with me.”
Well, Qureshi better pray to the fucking Gods of India because it’s now said there’s a video of the undercover operation in which reporters met with him and expressed interest in illegally adopting the young star. This kid is fucked regardless…money for kids…that’s great family values right there.
-C
THESUN
Apr
15
2009
Farted Domino’s, it’s what’s for dinner! Or so was the case for a very unlucky consumer after having viewed a disgusting video yesterday showcasing the pizza maker farting on meat
Anyway, the employees have been fired, the franchise who owns the Domino’s location has filed criminal complaints against the two in the video, and there have even been arrest warrants issued for both former employees. These former employees are currently evading law enforcement.
Domino’s Pizza has also issued the following statement on their website:
“In the last 24 hours, videos of two of Domino’s Pizza employees appearing inappropriately within one of our franchise restaurants have been circulating online.
Since the videos first surfaced yesterday, the two workers have been identified, fired and the affected franchisee has filed a criminal complaint against them, and there are warrants for their arrest.
The opportunities and freedom of the Internet is wonderful. But it also comes with the risk of anyone with a camera and an Internet link to cause a lot of damage, as in this case, where a couple of individuals suddenly overshadow the hard work performed by the 125,000 men and women working for Domino’s across the nation and in 60 countries around the world.
We apologize for the actions of these individuals, and thank you for your continued support of Domino’s Pizza.”
So with that, I’ll have a piece of shit with a side of farts and some snot to go. I hope that fatty on the tape gets rammed. Fatties getting rammed = funny shit.
-C
DOMINOS
Apr
03
2009
Because we all know that the broads to the left are totally the fat tweens who created this shit. Their meetings usually take place at the front of your local Hot Topic where they gush over the new Edward themed sweatbands and XXL t-shirts that just arrived. They can’t be seen in the light because a) they scare people and b) they would not be truthful to their new religion because DUH vampires shouldn’t be out in the sun or they….AH! SPARKLEEEEE like a disco globe! Too bad the only shit that would sparkle on these dumbasses would be the grease from KFC which resides daily on their mouths and chins.
Anyway, this shit was much too precious to pass up on writing about. It’s already enough that when I went to get the last book, I had to mingle amongst these heathens, the fact that they cause traffic jams at local Best Buys when the movie is released at midnight, scare the fucking bejesus out of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, prance around in their vampire-esque clothing out of the 99 cent Walmart bin, run around in JNCO jeans and have popcorn bits scurry across their t-shirts thus landing onto my fucking feet during the midnight showing of the film, but now these bitches think they’re so uber cool that they have to go ahead and create their own Twilight religion.
Their creed, say the Cullenists, includes a base set of beliefs that ‘Edward and the rest of the Twilight characters are real,’ that ‘[t]he Twilight series should be worshipped,’ and that ‘[i]f you are good in life, you will be bless[ed] with eternity with the Cullens.’
HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING TWILIGHT HELL. I swear to you this shit is true. Not only that, but you are expected to read from the Twilight books every day– “like the Bible,” –and since these mo’s took a hint and realized they needed to drop about 65 L.B.’s, they must make a a pilgrimage to Forks, Washington which is the setting for the book…I assume this is weight related since they are going to have to walk, you can’t expect me to believe these fat tweens have hundreds to dish out on flying there do you? Especially when they have to buy two seats per person…one ass cheek for each!
When people start making Tom Cruise and Scientology look normal, you know there’s a huge ass issue at large. Pun intended.
-C
Source
Mar
30
2009
If you haven’t seen infomercials for ShamWow, then you my friend live in a God damn box between What The Fuck and Unfortunate. It’s not the product that has everyone amazed, it’s simply the guy who pitches this shit…you may mistake him as a real live Beavis from Beavis & Butthead because I do. So meet Vince Shlomi — simply the most fantastical man. The product consists of an absorbent towel that can basically suck up anything from rocket fuel to fucking baby shit. Vince also sells food choppers. FYI: This shit does not work as seen here: Shamwow Sucks.
He should also look into the slapping a bitch field because he apparently likes to go slap happy on hookers. The 44-year-old famed infomercial dude was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a very violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room.
According to the affidavit, ShamWow met 26-year-old Sasha Harris at a Miami nightclub on February 7. They ended the night by heading back to his $750 room at the Setai hotel. Vince told the cops he paid the chick about $1000 in cash after she “propositioned him for straight sex.”
He then went on to say that when he went to kiss the hooker, she “bit his tongue and would not let go.” Come on! He’s the SHAMWOW guy! He then punched the broad until she gave up on biting his tongue. The report claims that during the 4 AM fight, the girl sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face space. After bitch gave up biting his tongue, Vince apparently shamwowwed his way outta there, fleeing to the hotel lobby, where security called the cops.
The hooker refused to cooperate with the officers. Police reports say that “Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.” In a short telephone interview, the woman declined to answer questions about her meeting with Shlomi and says she is contemplating a lawsuit against him. She also wouldn’t answer if she was a hooker or not. I guarantee this BIA isn’t a hooker. After she was drunk enough to hang out with Vince’s busted ass face, bitch probably thought to herself “Hmmm, I can totally cop a few bucks out of this Shamwowza.” Anyway, yes not only can Vince sell you a Shamwow, but he can also give you a busted ass face for half the price if you call right now! To view pictures of what can be yours for ONLY $9.95, visit HERE.
-C
In memoriam:
Source
Mar
05
2009
First the trolls make stupid fashion and now Broadway wants to ruin one of the best movies everrrr! What is it with these so called creative people reproducing other people’s creativity to make a buck?
Anyway Sleepless In Seattle is being turned into a God damn Broadway MUSICAL. The show’s music is being handled by the same dude who did the music for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. What? All four midget songs? Look for this shit to open sometime in 2010.
My luck they’ll fucking get that High School Musical bitch Ashley Tisdale to play fucking Meg Ryan. And if you’re dumb enough to by Olsen clothes, you’re probably dumb enough to buy tickets for this shit so enjoy!
-C
Source
Feb
25
2009
It was a dream come true. A two-for-one deal where you could get your pot then pull in again and get your munchies. Unfortunately for 27-year-old Donald Brice, his dream has been shut down.
That’s because bitch got the smarts to deal his pot out of a McDonald’s drive through window. What’s with pot today? It’s making a HUGE comeback. And here I thought a lil yayo was making the kiddies scream nowadays. I know it works for some of my friends.
Anyway. Edgewater, Maryland was the lovely town. Brice was set up by undercover detectives and charged with drug dealing and possession.
First of all, McDonalds should promote his ass. If it wasn’t for him, local marijuana junkies wouldn’t have gotten their munchies there. They would have went down the block and got cheap ass Taco Bell. Come on. Spending $20 on a dime bag probably leaves most druggies with a $5 in their pocket…if that. You’re lucky if you can get a fry and milkshake at McDonalds. For $5 you can get a soda, 525235235 tacos, and some cheesy fiesta potatoes at Taco Bell.
-C
Source: WJZ.com
Feb
21
2009
God, Facebook is the place where literally anyone can do or LEAVE anything. In this case, an obviously depressed model who took his own life left a suicide note on his Facebook.
An aspiring 30-year-old model, Paul Zolezzi, hung himself in a Brooklyn park on Friday. According to authorities, he killed himself just hours after publicly releasing a suicide note on his Facebook page.
His body was found hanging from a monkey bar inside Mount Prospect Park along the Eastern Parkway at 7 a.m. The night before around 8:40 pm, Zolezzi wrote on his Facebook that he has been:
“born in San Francisco, became a shooting star over everywhere, and ended his life in Brooklyn… And couldn’t have asked for more.”
This isn’t the first time he had found comfort in Facebook regarding his depression. It’s said that multiple times he always wrote about it. Sad.
-C
Source: NYPost
Feb
13
2009
When I was 13-years-old, I barely knew what a peen is. I also knew that the furthest thing from my mind was peen entry into my vagine and all I really wanted was some more pelvic thrusts in Backstreet Boys videos. But, hey, kids these days…they just do and screw the darnedest things!
Always count on the UK to have a story like this. That little boy above isn’t holding his little sister and no, that’s not his niece. It’s his daughter. You see, at 13-years-old he managed to peen it up in some 15-year-old broad’s vag. Nine months later, a baby comes out of a baby. This is some Benjamin Button shit if you ask me.
Meet 13-year-old Alfie Patten and his older layday, Chantelle Steadman along with their new kid, Maisie Roxanne. Bitch has the same name as me! Although spelled differently. Maisie’s name is a ticket to adult entertainment business heaven in about, oh 13 years. What’s more frightening is that at FOUR FEET TALL, Alfie conceived his babes the first night he ever had sex at age 12. They decided to keep the baby and fuck it up for the next 18 years. He also admits he doesn’t know much about raising a baby. Yeah, well when you basically popped out of your mom’s womb and have yet to hit puberty I wouldn’t think you’d know how to. Alfie says:
“I thought it would be good to have a baby. I didn’t think about how we would afford it. I don’t really get pocket money. My dad sometimes gives me £10.”
Are newborns the new crazy? What the fuck is it with all of these crazy bitches popping out kids? Hey, at least they’ll save money with buying toys. Alfie can grab his blocks in the corner of his room while Chantelle can grab the Barbies under her bed.
-C
Source: TheSun
Feb
06
2009
People are weird and obviously less creative in Hollywood. Although I’ll probably throw myself in a candy frenzy when this shit happens, it’s still a bit tarded. Anyway, Variety says that Universal has hired the guy who wrote Tropic Thunder, to pen a screenplay for Candy Land: The Movie. Could you imagine seeing that Michael Phelps style? (Oh, you get the joke…stoned.)
Let’s cast it right now. Obviously Nicole Kidman’s a shoe in for Queen Frostine because bitch is as cold as ice and need I say more. How about a little Brittany Murphy for the Lollipop ho? We all know the Lollipop chick was secretly getting down with that Candy Cane guy who Ashton Kutcher should obviously play because he’s a mess-and-a-half.
As for the King, methinks that moron’s going to ask Jack Black or Philip Seymour Hoffman since those two are probably the homeliest looking guys in Hollyweird…okay, I lied, John C. Reilly might be a shoo in as well.
-C
Jan
28
2009
The title says it all! Click here or continue reading after the jump!
Continue Reading »
